Lord I believe...help my unbelief

"There is so much evidence for Christianity that it actually takes more faith to be an atheist than to be a Christian."
I have heard many variations on this sentence during the past few years of my life. Usually, I resonate with the idea that Christianity and reason are compatible. Still, there have been many days throughout my life when agnosticism or atheism seem to be more plausible, more reasonable, and easier to deal with than my own faith. April 20, 1999... check. September 11, 2001... check.There are many other dates I can't remember, when tragedies occured, and I have asked God the same questions I asked him when people died at Columbine and when the day of terror hit. Why didn't you stop the person or people who caused the event? Are you even there?
Sometimes, I think it does take more faith to believe in a good and loving God than it takes to be an atheist. This world, for all its beauty, is a wretched rock indeed, thanks to its human inhabitants. I took a marine life class for my science requirement in college, during which I greatly preferred watching the "Blue Planet" videos to taking notes about kelp v. seaweed. When I wasn't stealing a nap in the darkened room, I lost myself in underwater worlds, where death exists, but without adultery, hatred, cowardice, racism, molestation, selfishness, or any other evil. I remember watching these videos, and getting frustrated afterward because everything the class had just seen was attributed to time, chance, natural selection. However, I see why people find it easier to believe that the ocean is not a masterpiece of a divine artist. Because if it is, then humanity must be a design of that artist as well.
Sometimes I don't even want to deal with people. Although I would be horrible at it, I can see the appeal of studying the ocean for a lifetime, because it's a much more peaceful profession than diplomacy, politics, psychology, or even working retail. Fish smell bad, but the little ones are nice and the big ones won't kill you, except impartially; humans can be pretty nasty, showered or not. The Psalms say that humans are just a little bit less glorious than the angels, but I have yet to meet a human who was anywhere CLOSE to being as helpful as that Roma Downey chick. (I only watched that show three times, by the way.)
I don't know how God can stand the violence we show toward one another, whether with our words, or with our weapons. I don't know why he doesn't strike us dead with more frequency. I don't know why he doesn't talk from the sky and scare us. If he made us in his image, why then is he so silent? Why is he so intent on us pursuing him? Why does he pour himself out into the depths of the sea, but seem to turn away from our darkest days? I have experienced answered prayer, and I have heard of miracles, but my soul is often dissatisfied with what I have seen of God.
Believing in God takes a lot of faith some days, not just that He exists, but that He really will transform all of these messes we've made of ourselves into beings He can stand to be around forever. I can see His goodness and creative power in the vibrancy of a coral reef, or in the shocking size of a mountain range, or... well, in most things outside of big cities. The city of God - how will that work? Christ died to redeem us and make us ready for a new Jerusalem, and while I want him to return, I don't understand how I myself will be acceptable enough to enter through the gates. With all my doubts, I am trying to hold to a framework of grace to explain this world - that there is a good God, and he is slowly, effectively redeeming those who ask him to from their misery, withstanding the pain it causes him.
Otherwise, I can't thank anyone for the ocean.

lovely...

I received a lovely email today. I'll share:

"
There are always things that make me think of things, and the things that make me think of things are normally pretty great things. But the things that they make me think of can go either way. Sometimes things make me think of things that make me feel great. Sometimes things make me think of things that make me feel terrible.

I'm not sure what made me think of you today. Could be the weather, somehow. Could have been a song, something I saw on the floor, the exact height of the sun as I woke up. I don't know. But you got in my head, and i think you wanted to hang out there for awhile, because you brought a tent.

And that made me think of how you are, and it made me think that maybe something is wrong, or that something is great.
Sometimes I get the feeling that when I think about someone they can hear me, and maybe we can have a conversation. And then I get the feeling that when I randomly think of someone, it's because they're trying to think of me. But I doubt that's the case. It's just nice to think about.
And sometimes I get the feeling that if I randomly think of someone, it probably means something is happening to them, something that's making a spike in my thoughts of them. Maybe you were on a roller coaster and got really excited. Maybe you found a hundred dollars. Maybe you were in a car accident. Maybe something made you cry. I don't know.

The seasons are changing, and that always trips me out a little. The monsoons might come early this year.

Sometimes I drive and wish I was just driving out in the middle of nowhere. Sometimes the right song comes on and makes me wish I was on a long road trip, like on the road in New Mexico somewhere. Sometimes there's a fiddle in a song, or a harmonica, and I wish I could be driving again, with no one else on the road. And I wish, sometimes, that you were there. The phantom limb itch that makes me just want to drive really far, watching the sun drop low, making a trail. Sometimes I just want to escape, not necessarily getting anywhere, but headed somewhere.
"

monday? question day!

Tara asked me some questions.....here are some answers.

1) If you could have tickets to any concert this summer, who would you see? and who would you take?

Kings of Leon at the Roseland Ballroom (NYC) - 6/5/07
-Assuming I could pick any seats I wanted and have prime-o parking. I’ve dreamed about Kings of Leon since Aaron and I saw them at Martini Ranch in Scottsdale.

Since I have no man as of yet...I’ll be holding auditions for the role of My Date. :)

Recommendations to auditionees:

-An enthusiastic love of all things Leon is highly valued.

-At least learn a lot of songs.

-Don’t waste my time.

-Be cute.

And a little P.S. to My Date: tickets are still available. This is absolutely crazy.


2) What topic of discussion bores you more quickly than any others?

Oh, so very many. First of all, politics is usually boring because the people talk about it think they are The Shit and they're all, "ooo, ooo, epistemically blah blah blah."

Secondly, I get totally bored when people tell really, really, really, long versions of any romantic stories. Or stories about their kids. Honestly, long stories in general annoy me. Yes, yes, I'm a hypocrite.

Thirdly, when I start freaking out about something and can't stop talking. It annoys me so much and yet I keep hearing words coming out of my mouth. And my wonderful friends just sit there and roll their eyes and let me talk.


3) If you could be the spokesperson for any product on the market (which means you'd get all the freebies you could handle), which product would you represent?

Apple Computers, I think. See, I love all their products and they could also get me discounts for other products that aren't theirs. And their commercials are funny--I could totally be all, "I'm a Mac. And I'm a PC." right? Oh, and, since I'm not really into the iPod thing, I could sell them all shady-like in exchange for goods and services. They should totally hire me.


4) If you were given unlimited money and the necessary technology to invent anything you desired, what would you invent?

Unlimited money makes me nervous. It reminds me of communism.


5) Are you ever going to put the lovers back together?

If I answered that it would ruin all my writerly mystique. I will say that they are not done yet, simply on hiatus, and while they've been off air they have been working some things out. But they asked me to not say any more about that. Cross your fingers!

Bonus stats:
8 Times I used the word "all" above
21+ The amount of times per day I use Google at least five days a week (data courtesy of Google Web History)
34 Searches today
52 Searches yesterday
3 Days it has taken me (so far) to get through all the dishes from Saturday night.

breathe

No one taught us how to think. No one taught us how to live. They are presuppostions in our educational systems, and we figure it out late. Writing an essay in sixth grade, we never knew what to say. Because we didn't know how to see.

but everyone loves ultimate frisbee....

thoughts on coldplay

There were moments before the rope finally broke. Moments when the tether felt strong enough to keep together and I can remember driving on the 101 we had a brief discussion about Papago Park.

So brief was the conversation that I hardly remember it's contents but it was the first time I learned of the Park. Moments later "Fix You" came on the radio and I turned it up to fill the silence left by another brief discussion.

"I love this song," I said and you were driving but looked over to me. You were always looking over to me while you drove and I would sometimes keep my eyes on the road for you in the way I was always doing things the hard way just so they'd be easy for you.

I learned in physics that as we sat there we were actually moving at the same rate the car was and I played out the equation of us stopping, or worse: being hit by an opposing force.

The song sped up and right before the band broke in I asked you if you wanted to play keyboard or drums. You hesitated, I was clearly a step ahead, and in that moment I felt the fraying threads twirl quickly back as the last ones broke. You played the drums and I played the keyboard. The steering wheel and dashboard were accommodating.

There are certain things I have always known in my head and they have always been at war with the things I knew in my heart. A constant, raging battle of bloodshed, with a white flag being raised after long nights of indecision.

My mind surrendered for so many years. The same flag rose after every battle and it slowly became tattered. But I made a simple promise to myself: to never let my heart be a museum artifact. And with each tear in the flag, there was an even deeper tear in my heart and I've been to a lot of museums; my heart was almost ready to be behind glass in a pressurized environment. A hymn was almost written about the flag and I loathed myself for becoming such a cliche.

That was the second to last trip on that freeway--our freeway. I'm bound to say that Coldplay must have known something about being in love. And if so, I certainly knew something about loving you.

Did you know that Papago Park is burning?

walking alongside despair

I am no saint. In fact, I totally understand what Paul meant when he called himself the chief of sinners - I see myself as one. When one finds himself alone with God and sees him face to face, one can't help but despair over the sins that perpetuate the entire being of himself. It's like a sickly coat of oil permanently coated on the entire surface of oneself, a condition that one is forever trap with while in existence.

This constant consciousness about my sinful, worldly nature has been throughout every day in my life. At my most blissful moment, or my most depressed hour, I can't help but being aware of the absurdity and meaninglessness of "life" as we know it. The persistent sense of despair can be a really heavy burden to bear as I stagger through this particular life of mine. It is incredibly tempting to just let go off everything and indulge myself either in a life of hedonism and aestheticism, or one of piety and the practise of communal submission to a religious code. To withdraw into "bad faith", as Sartre calls it. But I have grown too acutely aware of the despair over my own state of existence to live a life of ignorance.

But to live a life defined by actions, acted upon choices which have no certainties, or based on any established consensual guidelines/protocol, is a terrifying thought in itself. Kierkegaard affirms that faith is the solution to despair, but faith require so much courage and risks that I can't help but feeling the burden of the freedom over the choices and course of my own life. Imagine, to be condemned to freedom!

And to know that this is the life I will live for the rest of my "life"... I guess Christ was right when he said that small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life. Truth is the gate is much smaller and the road is much narrower than most of us have imagined it to be. Not to mention incredibly lonely as one is completely cut off from other fellow humans in this long arduous journey, with only Christ's promises as comfort.

This is merely the beginning...

Christianity does not join people together. No, it separates them - in order to unite every single individual with God. And when a person become such that he can belong to God and to God alone, he has died away from that which usually joins people together.

- Soren Kierkegaard

i love baseball

i love baseball so much.
life lessons often reveal themselves to me in baseball.
here a a few recent epiphanies:
1. what you value personally may not have any value in the environment you're in.
2. we all have weaknesses and sometimes the best way to attack one is to try to turn it into a strength.
3. coaching, teaching and managing are not either/or, good or bad, they are additive.
4. rock, paper, scissors. everything good can be beaten by something better. everything not good can beat something great. match-ups can be unpredictable. don't assume.

thank you for being a part of my brain and thoughts for a few moments.

Mending....Reconciliation

the last 24 hours have been such a rollercoaster of emotion for me.

perhaps one of the strangest days i've had in a while.....(and that's saying alot)

i'm sitting in KCI airport sobbing.
listening to a mix cd appropriately named "shenanigans".
my soul aches, but feels relief.
i am more whole than when i arrived here a mere 36 hours ago.
my soul has surrendered something heavy.

i wish that i had a way to describe how i endured the hardest year of my life yet feel so free, clear, "held".

all i can say is that praise will be given where praise is due.

i have moved into not needing any human. it is such a foreign overwhelming feeling.

i believe with all of my heart that i have reached that coveted place of "self-reliance".

me and God.

r.i.p.

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
1922-2007

one of my most favored and dear to my heart authors passed away yesterday. mr. vonnegut changed my thinking in my ways and opened my eyes to wonderous views.

you will be missed. rest in peace.

"
Humor is a way of holding off how awful life can be, to protect yourself. Finally, you get just too tired, and the news is too awful, and humor doesn’t work anymore. Somebody like Mark Twain thought life was quite awful but held the awfulness at bay with jokes and so forth, but finally he couldn’t do it anymore. His wife, his best friend, and two of his daughters had died. If you live long enough, a lot of people close to you are going to die.

It may be that I am no longer able to joke—that it is no longer a satisfactory defense mechanism. Some people are funny, and some are not. I used to be funny, and perhaps I’m not anymore. There may have been so many shocks and disappointments that the defense of humor no longer works. It may be that I have become rather grumpy because I’ve seen so many things that have offended me that I cannot deal with in terms of laughter.

This may have happened already. I really don’t know what I’m going to become from now on. I’m simply along for the ride to see what happens to this body and this brain of mine. I’m startled that I became a writer. I don’t think I can control my life or my writing. Every other writer I know feels he is steering himself, and I don’t have that feeling. I don’t have that sort of control. I’m simply becoming. All I really wanted to do was give people the relief of laughing. Humor can be a relief, like an aspirin tablet. If a hundred years from now people are still laughing, I’d certainly be pleased. I apologize to all of you who are the same age as my grandchildren. And many of you reading this are probably the same age as my grandchildren. They, like you, are being royally shafted and lied to by our Baby Boomer corporations and government. Yes, this planet is in a terrible mess. But it has always been a mess. There have never been any “Good Old Days,” there have just been days. And as I say to my grandchildren, “Don’t look at me. I just got here.”
"
-kurt vonnegut, a man without country

being a woman

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
one old love she can imagine going back to...and one who reminds her how far she has come...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a youth she's content to leave behind...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
HOW TO QUIT A JOB, BREAK UP WITH A LOVER, AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...be it to her best friend's kitchen table...or a charming inn in the woods...when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day...a month...and a year...

heeeelllllllllooooooooo #7!

In case you need another reason to keep up with baseball this year, here's mine:



Joe Mauer....thank you for being a part of my Minnesota Twins!!
xoxo

little motel

“
I hope that you like it in your little motel,
And I hope that the sweep season suites you well.
Well I can see it as time and a sight through smell,
That’s why it’s nice to be by yourself.

And that’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, aren’t I?
That’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, darling.

We treat mishaps like sinking ships,
And, I know that I don’t want to be out to drift.
Well I can see it in your eyes like I taste your lips,
And, they both tell me that we’re better than this.

‘Cuz that’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, aren’t I?
That’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, darling.

We trade tit for tat like that for this,
And, I don’t think that there was an insult that was missed.
I can see it in your eyes like I taste your lips,
And, I’m very sorry.

‘Cuz that’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, aren’t I?
That’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, darling.

The raining is over, shooting star,
And directly on our broke-down riddled car.
We fold and we had made a wish,
That we would be missed,
If one or another just did not exist.

That’s what we’re waiting for, that’s what we’re waiting for, that’s what we’re waiting for, aren’t we?
That’s what we’re waiting for, that’s what we’re waiting for, that’s what we’re waiting for, darling.

That’s what we’re waiting for, aren’t we?
“

taxes

americans are dumb

Do you think Americans are stupid?

If you say yes, then this is for you.

You are American.

Americans are dumb. Why have I heard so many Americans say this? I guess I understand why they are saying it, but I still don't get it. "I think Americans are dumb." Yeah all Americans but you and the people you know right? America is a big place smarty, with lots of people. Some of us are bound to be stupid. But there are plenty of freggin geniuses too. Have you forgotten that? Have you forgotten all the Americans that are smarter than you? More moral? Stronger? There are plenty out there.

What are you afraid of? You're like the person who betrays their friends when someone makes fun of them. A pretend outsider looking in. You're the man who laughs at his wife when everyone else does.

You are not responsible for the crap your countrymen pulled before you were born. But you are the lazy person who simply moves when their house gets dirty.

Americans are stupid; they shop at wal-mart, that's why I shop at Target. haha.

Clean your house you lazy pig; you contributed to the mess.

Patriotism is not just for rednecks; it isn't just for conservatives and the rich. So stop thinking that somewhere else is so much better. What do you think the Italians are all freggin Einsteins? People in India must really have it made, seeing as each one of them is so smart. Will you feel right at home in Venezuela where everyone is just like you?

Grow up. How about instead of going all apocalyptic and swearing you'll move to Canada you try to make your home better?

Sweeping generalizations are fallacies. They're wrong and counterproductive. Stop being a worthless misfit.

the last week....

the last week has definitely been a crazy one for me.

i'm sorry to say to everyone that i will be out of commission for a while.
i'm not sure how long....i'm not sure when i'll recover.

i'll return soon.

emeril

i like cooking. i like making up recipes and fixing meals. i try not to go out to eat often, so i cook whenever i can.

i love to make myself a hot dog burrito. it seriously takes 2 minutes to make a hot dog burrito. you can get a pack of hot dogs, a bag of cheese, and a pack of tortillas for 10 bucks, and have dinner for a week. you can put ketchup on it, but i don't really love ketchup.

so i am wondering, does anyone else know about how awesome this is? this is a taste explosion! this is hot dog paradise! i decide to write to Emeril.

Dear Emeril:

You are an excellent chef. I watch your show all the time. I cannot help but notice, though, that your show has not explored my favorite style of cooking, Mexican-American Fusion Cuisine.

I first discovered this type of cuisine about 18 years ago when i had my first peanutbutter and jelly soft taco. Since then, I have become quite knowledgeable in the techniques used in its preparation. Included please find a recipe which I feel really encapsulates the magic of Mexican-American Fusion Cuisine.

Thank You-
Jami

HOT DOG BURRITO
Ingredients:
1 Hot Dog
1 Flour Tortilla
1/4 cup finely shredded Cheddar Cheese

Directions: Place flour tortilla on microwave-safe plate. Arrange hot dog in center of tortilla. Cover hot dog with the shredded cheddar cheese. Cover with wet paper towel to prevent the tortilla from drying out. Microwave for 2 minutes. Roll it up and serve with ketchup.

he hasn't written back yet, probably because i just sent the e-mail, like, 15 minutes ago.

in other news, it has been decided that the funniest thing you could possibly do is to yell your own name sporadically throughout the day. just once in awhile, when there are lulls in conversation or when you are talkng to the lady at the bank. JAMI!!! (or whatever your name is) and then just carry on like nothing happened. it is a laugh riot.

thank you.

p.s i really did send that to Emeril. for real.

he still takes my breath away......

i love him.

Saving the World.....

....one rock fist at a time.


courtesy of Daley

eternal prom!!

did you go to prom??


i have been thinking, and i have decided that prom is the most hilarious thing EVER. pimply boys in tuxes. girls getting wicked uptight about finding the most god-awful dress imaginable. pretending you are all grown up when grownups NEVER DRESS LIKE THAT EVER.


if you went to prom, i bet you have a picture of yourself going to prom or at prom or something. i want everyone who has a picture of themselves at prom to scan it in and send it to me. (jamikylene@hotmail.com)


i got the new issure of TEEN PROM, and now i am all in a tizzy thinking about all that magic. if you send me a picture, i will mark out your face(s) and put them on my blog entitled "ETERNAL PROM". if you would like, also include a brief summary of the magic (ie, did you get "lucky"? did you eat at red lobster? did you wear one of those weird tape on bra things?) i think if i get a ton of people to send pictures to me, it could be the greatest thing ever.


BE A PART OF MY ETERNAL PROM RIGHT NOW.


love, jami

6 month anniversary

Josh and I had our 6 month anniversary last week and finally got to celebrate last night by going to the Melting Pot. YUM!!!
we had a blast, and like always....we were silly and crazy together!

oh man....this sounds so much like me!

One oh my favorite bloggers wrote this and i laughed because it is TOTALLY something i would do!

"
i work in an office. working in an office is a lot like being in high school. you go there in the morning, sit at your desk, have lunch in the lunchroom. you get the weekends off. on holidays you have little parties with cupcakes and all that kind of crap. sometimes they try to bribe you do extra work with the promise of a pizza party. (you mean i can work tons of overtime and never do anything fun, then, at the end of the month, get to have some lukewarm pizza at my desk? AWESOME, i don't even like pizza!) at least that is what it is like at my job.

a week or so before valentine's day, they put out this flyer saying that we were gonna have a party, and everyone was gonna pass out valentines and they were gonna have a contest for the best valentines mailbox. you know, like the shoebox things from elementary school.

i was real jazzed. i mean, i am not all about "participating". i think it is some kind of leftover thing from when i was some high school. i just don't get into that stuff. but the valentines mailbox was right up my alley. i just love that kind of crafty crap. and i was pretty convinced that i would be able to completely WHOOP ASS. IN YOUR FACE, ACCOUNTING!!! SUCK ON MY AWESOME VALENTINES MAILBOX, EFF-ING INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY DEPARTMENT!!!!! whew.

so, i went to CVS, all power-hungry. i had my eyes on the prize. i got all kinds of tissue-paper and glue, and i got this irridescent blue paper stuff. i got the sweetest-shaped box. i went home, and parked out at the kitchen table. i cut all the tissue paper into one-inch squares. then i started glueing little tufts of tissue paper on the box, slowly and methodically. super anal-retentive. i was gonna make the fluffiest and romantic box ever.

(one hour later)

guy: what are you doing?

me: making a valentines box for the contest at work.

guy: what is the prize?

me: i dunno. power. EXTREME POWER

guy: i bet the prize is candy. you are gonna feel real dumb when you spend two days making a valentines box, and you just win candy. you don't even eat candy.

me: the prize is POWER. maybe it will be candy, but the candy will come with great power.

(three hours later)

my fingers started hurting like none other. the box was only an eighth of the way done. tufting takes forever. i seemed to forget the last time when i tufted something, and it took me a month to make a penguin-shaped pinata. things started to look bleak.

the next day after work, i started working on it again. i had to have it done the next day. i put a couple more tufts on it, and then i sat in the bathtub and read cosmo for two hours and went to bed.

i don't even think i went to work that day. the sheer thought of all the power left me so weak that not only could i not finish my valentines box, i had to take a sick day.
"

Oscar Party!

Last night was a blast!!!
Thanks to everyone that came!!!

Bono: God Part II

Don’t believe the devil
I don’t believe his book
But the truth is not the same
Without the lies he made up

Don’t believe in excess
Success is to give
Don’t believe in riches
But you should see where I live
I…I believe in love

Don’t believe in forced entry
Don’t believe in rape
But every time she passes by
Wild thoughts escape
I don’t believe in death row
Skid row or the gangs
Don’t believe in the Uzi
It just went off in my hand
I…I believe in love

Don’t believe in cocaine
Got a speed-ball in my head
I could cut and crack you open
Do you hear what I said
Don’t believe them when they tell me
There ain’t no cure
The rich stay healthy
The sick stay poor
I…I believe in love

Don’t believe in Goldman
His type like a curse
Instant karma’s going to get him
If I don’t get him first
Don’t believe in rock ‘n’ roll
Can really change the world
As it spins in revolution
It spirals and turns
I…I believe in love

Don’t believe in the 60’s
The golden age of pop
You glorify the past
When the future dries up
Heard a singer on the radio late last night
He says he’s gonna kick the darkness
’til it bleeds daylight
I…I believe in love

I feel like I’m falling
Like I’m spinning on a wheel
It always stops beside of me
With a presence I can feel
I…I believe in love

that color scheme should be illegal

congrats!!!

***a HUGE congrats is in order for my great friends Josh and Kamryn on getting engaged last night!!!
good luck to you guys! love ya~!

hummmm......

eff valentine's day.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYBODY!!!!

low maintanance

i am one of the most low-maintanance people ever.


i don't wear makeup too often. i don't shave my legs too often. my hair is straight enough that i don't have to do anything to it ever. i don't love buying clothes. pretty much i don't care what people think i look like.


the thing is, i am horrible at waking up early. so my project for the last three days has been trying to streamline my morning routine so i can look presentable in ten minutes flat.


i have my shower routine down to a little more than 5 minutes. i get in, wash my hair, rinse, put conditioner in, soap up and rinse the conditioner out of my hair, wash my face real fast, and get the heck out. i comb my hair enough so is not all knotted up, and brush my teeth. the end.


i want to get 12 plain tshirts in 12 different colors. then get a pair of shoes i won't have to wear socks with. i have one pair of jeans that i love to wear so i can start wearing the same jeans everyday, and wear a different tshirt and my sockless shoes. i won't have to take time to figure out what to wear. i won't have to find a pair of socks, or smell a bunch of socks to pick out a clean pair. i will never ever have to think about clothes again.


i am the champion. i am super-efficient. i am a getting-ready machine. all you suckers, taking 20 minutes to get ready, putting gel or some crap in you hair. YOU ARE SUCKERS. THAT IS TIME YOU WILL NEVER GET BACK. if you shave ten minutes off your getting ready thing, at the end of the month you will have THREE HUNDRED MINUTES. you could knit a scarf or paint a picture. you could exercise for ten minutes every day instead of picking some zit or putting lipstick on (which nobody notices anyway), and that would give you YEARS more time, since you won't die when you're 58.


me, i am just going to use that time to sleep an extra 15 minutes.

a billion dollars

i just saw an advertisement for this new contest pepsi is having. its one of those look-under-the-cap things, only if you win, you get to go on this game show and compete to win a billion dollars.


isn't a billion like a thousand million? jeez, louise.


anyway, i drink more soda than anyone i know, and a lot of people have told me i drink more soda than anyone they know, so i think the odds are in my favor.


trampoline, gold teeth, and devo hat, here i come.

cable TV

when i lived in my first apartment and was really really poor, i did not have cable.


i don't really watch tv that much. i'll watch the simpsons once in awhile, but usually it doesn't occur to me to turn it on.


so a year or so later, i called some place to get DSL, and they had this deal where i could get DSL and cable for some absurdly low price. like, i would be stupid to not spring for the cable. so i got that shizzle hooked up, and in the first couple days i think i watched about a gazillion hours of tv!


this is what i learned:


1. I WILL NEVER BE AS COOL AS MISSY ELLIOT. she is freaking cool as hell. i am usually not all about choreography in videos, but i could watch her dance around all day. and i like her fuzzy hats. i need to get one of those.


2. IT IS QUITE POSSIBLE TO WATCH LAW AND ORDER ALL DAY LONG. when you don't have cable you can only watch it 3 times a week, but when you do have cable, you can watch it more times than that in ONE DAY.


3. FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS IS ON EVERY WEEK NIGHT. funniest home videos is one of my favorite shows. back in the day it was on the WB or some other second-rate tv channel, and as soon as i figured out when it was on exactly, they cancelled it. then i went without for a very long time. now i can watch it at 11:30 every night.


4. IF YOU ARE SUPER-LUCKY, MTV2 WILL PLAY AN HOUR-LONG BLOCK OF GRUNGE ROCK VIDEOS. you will think it is real awesome for a second, then they will just play all the videos from the singles soundtrack, and not play any dinosaur jr or sonic youth or breeders or anything. then you will change the channel.


5. MISSY ELLIOT IS STILL REALLY AWESOME. grr. i am telling you. cool as hell. in a perfect world, i would have a fuzzy hat and dance around. either that or i would be kim deal.


thank you

the truth about the global climate change

drugs and art don't mix

grrrrrr....

i can't think of a darn thing to blog about. i've been sitting in front of my computer for about 2 hours now.

i was thinking that i wanted to blog about how my boyfriend josh thinks that i'm in "my own little world" all the time. (as he puts it)
i would tell some cute funny little story about it. but the truth is...he's right.
there's nothing funny or cute to say, except that i AM in my own world.
it's awesome!!
at any given time if you were to ask me what i was thinking about, if i told you you'd probably think i was crazy because it is usually so off the wall!

josh likes to laugh at me because i could sit in a room and entertain myself. i crack myself up laughing all the time!! i love it! it's so true and weird to hear the truth about how i REALLY AM coming out of someone's mouth for everyone to hear.
there's something different when it's said out loud.

anyways......back to "my world".......

water, trail mix, pen

I've often wondered what I'd do if I were faced with an animal attack on myself or a loved one--or total stranger. I'm still not sure. However, it appears that this 65-year-old woman knew what to do while when her husband was ambushed by a lion while the couple hiked in a northern California park last week.

As I started reading about the attack I wondered how this granny chased off the cat. With the machine gun she had nestled next to her Patagonia fanny pack? No, a pen. She used a pen to save her spouse. Apparently, she pulled a pen from her husband's pocket (at his request while being attacked) and gouged out the animal's eye. I've been wondering how on earth did she could have mustered the courage to make it happen. A pen! She also grabbed a large log and clubbed the cat in the nose until it backed away. I'm absolutely blown away by her bravery.

So this brought me to some pondering about whether or not I'd respond so well to an attack as such on my own partner. One seriously has to get it together, dig in and go on the offense. I'm still marveled that she got as close as the eye--let alone the head or body. Do you need to have taken a self-defense class to have your brain and body in that place? Do you have to read "The Power of Now" or is it pure love that makes us to apt to save our beloved during these frightful moments?

Apparently, it's just teamwork, according to a statement she gave to a reporter:


"We fought harder than we ever have to save his life, and we fought
together," she said.


The collective. The we. The together. That's the answer. I can almost believe it. Pens are useful though, I suppose.

Happy almost Valentine's Day.

now that's some good breakfast!

resolving to be simple---but not broke

My resolution for this new year was to live a little more simply: not buy as much crap as I usually do (from Target), not give in to the urge to have all the latest of coolness, get rid of my credit card debt, not fill my brain with celebrity gossip (sick, sickedy, sickness), not eat as many pre-packaged foods, spend more time with the family, read more, walk more, sing more, enjoy life more simply.

Simplicity all of my own doing--until I was hit with the reality that December was a 5-week month and that the money that I would have used to spend on my bills at the beginning of this month was used to actually pay for Christmas (I was avoiding credit cards the last two weeks of December...part of my "simplicity" plan, which is actually a "get off the visa" plan). SO I have had no extra money at all, other than that needed to buy gas and groceries. So it's not so much fun any more that I'm actually broke. But it is indeed, I think, my own fault. I know it is my own fault.

Making this transition from semi-broke to living with less is hard. But I think that downgrading has allowed me to see how much I really don't have and how much I depended on charging for things.

So what are we doing this weekend? Using our Blockbuster "get one free" coupon, making pizza at home, singing, playing cards, putting away the crap on the floor in my room (such a cheap option for entertainment), and dreaming of next Friday: payday...and Wendy's fries.

Keith Ellison's A Stephen King Fan Is Why

plain or fancy?

***I am not sure how much "fancy" you can buy for ten cents... I bet the fancy breakfast pizzas just have a little glitter on them, or maybe a little drink umbrella poking up in the middle.

whooooaa!

Maybe you wonder what kind of neighborhood I live in. For the sake of conversation, let's say you do, cause I have to have a reason to blog about my neighbors. Anyway, I live in a regular ol' neighborhood. It is not ritzy, it is not run-down. It is not trendy at all. The houses aren't interesting architecturally, or quaint, or even old. It is a regular old subdivision that was built in the early 90's. And it looks like it was built in the early 90's. The neighborhood IS pretty quiet, though, and all the neighbors keep to themselves.

When I say "keep to themselves", what I mean is they "pretend they can't see me." I don't mind though, I don't like making small talk.

People don't move around too often, like the neighbors did when I lived in Tempe. Since I've been here, only two houses have changed owners. One neighbor who lived down the street moved, and the cats who lived right next door to me moved.

The people next door weren't problematic at all. If anything, I think that we were the crazy neighbors in the equation.

Before the neighbor and his family moved, they had a yard sale. At this yard sale, they had their pet bird tagged and put on the table.

Now, a different couple and their dog moved in. I don't really talk to them, either, but I was quite happy that they had a little yappy dog. Not because I love hearing dogs bark, but because if their dog is out there barking, they will never give me a hard time about my dog being out there barking. It is a lot better than the previous neighbors who didn't complain, but did let their daughter scream and throw sticks at and feed rocks to my dogs (in addition to SELLING THEIR PET AT A YARD SALE. What in the heck.)

There is another dude, who lives a few houses down, that is constantly standing out in the street. We don't get a lot of through traffic, so he's not endangering his life or anything, but it is strange that he is always out there. Sometimes when I drive by, he will be standing out in the middle of the street, talking to someone else who is just standing in the middle of the street. I thought chilling out was what yards and porches were for, but apparently I was wrong. In my neighborhood, the chilling out happens in the road.

Not that he is just standing out there being a lazy bum. No, this dude is industrious. He spends all his time in the street, but when he is out there, he keeps the stuff clean. He picks up every little piece of leaves, gravel, litter (not that there is any litter ever, since he is on the lookout). I think he sweeps up and down it everyday. If there is a storm, and branches fall, he will pick up every little speck of bark.

Whenever I see him, he is either holding one of these in his hand, or I can see it laying in his yard with his other obsessive street cleaning tools, waiting to get picked back up:



He has the yellow one, in case you are curious. You can get a case of 72 of them for 94 cents each. I like to think he has a case of them in the garage.

Do It Anyway.

Do It Anyway!

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build it anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway.

-Mother Teresa

Existential Views

If anyone would like to know how I feel about "Existential Christianity", read the section about Kierkegaard. (page 3)
Uni is getting busy, here is an article from 'Spirtual life' on existentialism and Christian existentialism. I find it a very insightful and readable article:

Philosophy of Despair.. and hope.

Poor in Spirit

Did you know that they (they=the Mint) are making coins with woman on them?

Me either!

But I learned that today when I was at lunch. Because the guy sitting at the bar loudly exclaimed, "CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY'RE PUTTING WOMEN ON COINS? WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?"

WHAT ARE THEY THINKING, INDEED, SIR.

Anyway, there's nothing like good chauvinism to get my rage going. Also, hi, sir? Have you heard of the Susan B. Anthony Dollar? Also, Mint, why do the ladies only get to be on the collector's item coins? Why not the actual circulating money? Hmph.

G-U-I-D-A-N-C-E

When I meditated on the word Guidance, I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word. I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing. When two people try to lead, nothing feels right. The movement doesn't flow with the music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky. When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music. One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back or by pressing lightly in one direction or another. It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully. The dance takes surrender, willingness, and attentiveness from one person and gentle guidance and skill from the other. My eyes drew back to the word Guidance. When I saw "G" I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i". "God, you, and I dance."

As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust that I would get guidance about my life.

Once again, I became willing to let God lead.

Salvation formula: By grace.Through faith. Plus nothing.

“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works,lest anyone should boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9 NJKV)

Take a second and make a mental note of what you did to be saved. Okay. Keep that thought in your mind. Now make a mental note of all you are doing to keep your salvation. Do you have the list?

I hope thinking that through didn’t cause you to run for paper and pencil to jot notes down so you wouldn’t forget what’s on your list. There is only one way to get saved. By accepting the grace of God.

We humans are awfully egocentric. We keep trying to make the Christian walk about us instead of Jesus. We come up with sets of rules that insure our salvation. Or we have a pet theology that guarantees we’ll make it into an eternity with Jesus.

There are Christians who doubt another’s salvation if that person doesn’t belong to their particular brand of Christianity. I’ve even heard people’s salvation put into question because of how they dress, worship, or run their family. Or, we think “doing” Christianity helps us get brownie points with God. Have devotions. Help in the nursery. Bake for potluck. Volunteer at a soup kitchen.

This mindset keeps us in a cycle of pride and guilt. Pride when we “do” Christianity well. Guilt when we blow it. Desiring righteous living and doing acts of service should be a natural outgrowth of our love for God. But they don’t make us holy. They don’t put us on a list in heaven of the“good” people.

Remember who impressed Jesus? Not the ones doing righteous acts, but the man who smote his chest and said, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner.”

Scripture is clear. We are saved by the merciful act of redemption by our Loving God. He sent His beloved Son to earth and allowed Him to die to purchase us for Himself.

That is grace.

How are you saved?

As the old saying goes, “By grace.Through faith. Plus nothing.”

busy morning at work

for lack of a better reason....I was bored this morning and rearranged my desk at work.


It's a new year, let's mix it up! Take a look:

email from an old friend

sometimes it takes an old friend to give you some perspective and repeat what you've just said to let you hear it back.
i've recently had one of those. (p.s.-i sound like a nut case)
2007...i'm ready for some new and exciting changes. God bless friends.

"There's nothing sad about mediocrity. Especially since you're still in an adjustment period. Don't get too ahead of yourself, or the foundation will crack. You can't force life too much.

Why are you trying so hard to start over with your friendships? The old ones must be pretty bad to feel like you have to start completely over. I wonder, how many times have you started over? You create your life like a painter creating a landscape, but there are too many things that will forever be out of your control. The colors don't always come out like you imagined. You can force yourself on a creation, but not on life. Still, best of luck. You don't sound too happy.

You are going to do some soul searching? There's never anything wrong with that. Take your time with it though. The soul is a tricky thing. Right when you think you have it cornered, right when you think you have it in your sights, that's when that sneaky little thing slips away again.

Who's questioning your identity? Yourself, or someone else? God Jami, what a beautiful day it will be for you when someone questions your identity, and you can look them straight in the eye and answer them without blinking, "This is who I am." But it'll always just be a snapshot, a still life photo, because identity is always changing, just like everything else, especially at our age. Speaking of which, welcome to that ripe old age of twenty-three. Hope it's good for you.

You are remembering how hard and sucky dating is. I remember you saying a few times that you would be glad when you don’t have to date anymore. You don’t want to deal with the awkwardness and stress. I'm sorry. It isn't that fun, I know. Here's what I do, just have a good time. For yourself. Enjoy a meal, a movie, and activity for the sole purpose of enjoying yourself. Forget about the other person, trying to impress them, trying to sell yourself or not seem foolish. Just be who you are and enjoy it in the world of your own mind. The rest can come along naturally. If it's not working with someone, then move on. It's a luxury you have now, and you should take full advantage of it.

Jeez, you crack me up. Cuz then you go on to say that "all in all, things are good" with three exclamation points nonetheless. Christmas was disappointing, you're stressed about starting school, you're sad that life is mediocre, you feel the need to do some soul searching, dating is hard, and to top it all off MUSIC has taken a BACKBURNER???!! I don't get it. Are you being straight up with me?"

God bless friends.

2006 Awards (so far...)

It's close enough to the end of the year, so these are the awards as given...

1) DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR
Nicole and Di probably will take the cake on my last few months in Phoenix.

2a) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD - LONGEST FRIEND(s)?
My friends all (in one way or another) abandoned me this year….SO I’d have to say that the winner would be Jackie. She came in strong near then end.

2b) NEWCOMER AWARD - NEWEST FRIEND?
Kamryn and Jaime have been AMAZING the last 5 months.

3) HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
Well, let me think….(you mean there WAS a good part?!)
No, I think meeting and now dating Josh will DEFINETLY win this one!

4) LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
This one had no other competition: leaving Arizona and all the prequels to that event.

5) BEST HOLIDAY?
My birthday/Christmas time was AMAZING!!! But coming in a close second would have to be Memorial Day camping.

6) ANTHEM FOR 2006?
I’d say “sometimes you can’t make it on your own” –thanks to Josh for that one.

7) ANY REGRETS?
I live to regret nothing.

8) BEST NIGHT OUT?
The girls night for Nicole’s Graduation at the Big Bang…..Joe…..Paul……

9) WORST NIGHT OUT?
The night I was trashed and Oo’s and my friendship hit the rocks…hard.

10) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES WITH?
Myself

11) BEST RELATIONSHIP?
JOSH! >no brainer<

12) WORST RELATIONSHIP?
I think that one would be a tie between Aaron and Oo. >equally broke me<

13) FIRST GIG OF THE YEAR?
Partying it up in No. Carolina (whiskey river?)

14) LAST GIG OF THE YEAR?
It will probably be a quiet night at home.

15) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
I decided to move home to Denver.

16) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?
1-Spring Training in Phoenix or Ft. Meyers
2-Trip to Israel
3-Go back to school
4-Get outta debt!!

17) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?
To try to talk with Oo.

18) TOOL OF THE YEAR?
Probably Oo.

19) MOST LOYAL FRIEND(s)?
Ummmm….Josh.

20) BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR?
Moving….twice….and being with Josh. (flipped my world upside-down!!)

like a sandwich that tastes better because your mom made it

Some people have coffee addictions...okay alot of people...
In fact, I'd say 80% of the people I know have a caffiene addiction.
I'm apparently unable to have any addiction. I think this is due to my extreme sloth, and an addiction would require alot of effort on my part that I'm not willing to exert.

However, I do love pearl tea. I think I love it in the way that other people love Starbucks. I have one maybe once or twice every few months, mostly because it's kinda expensive for what you get-- tea, syrup, milk and gummies.

It occurred to me that I could probably make them at home.
So I looked it up.
Apparently I can.

But that would kind of take the fun out of it. Right?
Like how rich celebrities have Starbucks come out and install a custom coffee bar in their mansions. It can't be as good, because you still have to make it yourself.
And besides, I'm not Korean, I'll probably screw it up.

And if you're curious, this is what an extreme sloth* looks like>



*ok, I'm not extremely slothful, I just wanted to make that image.

Let it Snow Let it Snow Let it Snow!!!

Today is a mad crazy Christmas Blizzard!!!!!
I'm lucky enough to have snow for my birthday, but this is madness!!!

It started snowing late last night (12/19/06) and is going, going, going...stacking higher and higher as I sit here in my cubicle.

It's 9:52.

Hopefulyy I'll be leaving soon to get snowed in at home or with Josh watching movies for the next two days!!!

On 9News.com....every school in the city of Denver is closed today and a rapidly growing list of businesses are wising up and closing too.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!

FINALLY A WHITE CHRISTMAS FOR ME!!! (after 3 years in the desert!)

Pirate Party!!!!!

I had the best birthday party and I have the best friends in the world!!! Thanks everyone for coming and dressing up like pirates!!!! ARRRRRRGGG!

you thought you knew...didn't you...?

I've got a great personality, good charm, I like to look at my own reflection, I can put together puzzles rather quickly, I don't date, I love baseball and hockey, I know the definition of the word "charisma" and recite it on a regular basis, I'm easy to get along with, I don't talk to strangers, I like to use the same word in every sentence when writing emails, I hardly ever email people, I like nice things, I have mediocre stuff, I obsess over things I can never have, I have things I don't want, I'm cold, Jesus didn't and neither will I (WWJD), I love change, I like my hair wet, I don't like wind, I'm really self concious, I haven't eaten in a while, I miss Joey, I thrive on cranberry juice, I have a high pain tollerance, I don't know very many big words, I like to keep old school work, I eat the same thing everyday, I hate fraternaties, I want to ride in a kangaroo's pouch before I die, I have small hands and feet, I don't really know anything about possums, I write poetry, I like to pick other people's noses, I have a close family, I'm ridiculously scared of spiders and mice, I'm a clean freak, I hate cars, I'm tired, I have less than five friends, I know things that others do not, I don't like flip-phones, I don't remember most of the stuff I'd like to, I have more than four friends, I'm good with kids, I'm good at cheating during team games, I wear tank tops daily, I have people who owe me money, I hate the cheifs, I don't like goals, I love dreams, I eat a lot, I pop my knuckles, I gave a bunch of clothes to Goodwill, I love white cherry slurpees, I buy a bunch of the same socks so I don't have to sort or fold them, I get distracted easily, I like only one country song, I'm not going to tell you which one, I have a big bed, I think rain is nice weather, I write neater with pencils, I have a lot of scars, I remember important things, I have small ankles, I don't like confrontation, I remember little things, I think doorstops are fun, I drink a lot of beer, I can quote Clueless and Little Rascals word for word, I'm out of printer paper, I love meeting new people, I like to be tickled, I make up games and play them, I always win, I don't like people when I first meet them, I have cable TV, I can't draw, I want to invent teleportation, I'm afraid of flying, I'm proud of my stepdad, I go on dates by myself, I don't like blondes, I recently found out that Jackalopes are fake, I was very upset, I am Jack's broken heart, I chew gum constantly, I don't mind pooping in public, I believe that everyone looks at their poop, I've looked up The Statue of Liberty's dress, I was dissapointed, I miss perfect opportunites, I need a massage, I'm hungry, and I don't have pets.... just to give you a little idea about me.

My Middle Name is Kurt...Not Fart....

The $2 Bill

The $2 Bill.
Everyone should start carrying them!

I am STILL laughing!!
I think we need to quit saving our $2 bills and
bring them out in public.

The younger generation doesn't know they exist.

STORY:

On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for
a quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill
and a $2 bill.

I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to
eat and not have to worry about anyone getting
irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.

Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to
go "

Server: "That'll be $1.04. Eat in?"

Me: "No, it's to go." At this point, I open my
billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it
kind of funny.

Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."

He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within
my earshot.
The following conversation occurs between the two of
them:

Se rver: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"

Manager: "No. A what?"

Server: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."

Manager:"Ask for something else. There's no such
thing as a $2 bill."

Server: "Yeah, thought so."

He comes back to me and says, "We don't take these.
Do you have anything else?"

Me: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills?
Why?"

Server: "I don't know."

Me: "See here where it says legal tender?"

Server: "Yeah.

"Me: "So, why won't you take it?"

Server: "Well, hang on a sec."

He goes back to his manager, who has been watching
me like I'm a shoplifter, and says to him, "He says
I have to take it."

Manager:"Doesn't he have anything else?"

Server: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can
open the safe and get change "

Manager:"I'm not opening the safe with him in here."

Server: "What should I do?"

Manager: "Tell him to c ome back later when he has
real money."

Server: "I can't tell him that! You tell him."

Manager: "Just tell him."

Server: "No way! This is weird. I'm going in back."

The manager approaches me and says, "I'm sorry, but
we don't take big bills this time of night."

Me: "It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a
two dollar bill."

Manager:"We don't take those, either."

Me: "Why not?"
Manager:"I think you know why."

Me: "No really, tell me why."

Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."

Me: "Excuse me?"

Manager:"Please leave before I call mall security."

Me: "What on earth for?"

Manager:"Please, sir."

Me: "Uh, go ahead, call them."

Manager:"Would you please just leave?"

Me: "No."

Manager:"Fine -- have it your way then."

Me: "Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?"

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall
security on the phone around the corner. I have two
people staring at me from the dining area, and I
begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few
minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy Comes in.

Guard: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"

Manager (whispering): "This guy is trying to give me
some (pause) funny money."

Guard:"No kidding! What?"

Manager:"Get this .. A two dollar bill."
Guard (incredulous): "Why would a guy fake a two
dollar bill?"

Manager:"I don't know. He's kinda weird. He says
the only other thing he has is a fifty."

Guard:"Oh, so the fifty's fake!"

Manager:"No, the two dollar bill is."

Guard:"Why would he fake a two dollar bill?"

Manager:"I don't know! Can you talk to him, and get
him out of here?"

Guard:"Yeah."

Security Guard walks over to me and......

Guard:"Mike here tells me you have some fake bills
you're trying to use."

Me: "Uh, no."

Guard: "Lemme see 'em."

Me: "Why?"

Guard:"Do you want me to get the cops in here?"

At this point I am ready to say, "Sure, please!" but
I want to eat, so I say "I'm just trying to buy a
burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill. I
put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like
I'm taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns
it over a few times in his hands, and says, "Hey,
Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"

Manager:"It's fake."

Guard:"It doesn't look fake to me."

Manager: "But it's a two dollar bill."

Guard:"Yeah?"

Manager:"Well, there's no such thing, is there?"

The security guard and I both look at him like he's
an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no
clue.

So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he
threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon
thingies, too. Made me want to get a whole stack of
two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try
to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I
could probably end up in jail. You get free food
there, too

Just think...those two will be voting
soon...........

The Jetsons, technology, and the fading middle class.

They say the middle class is shrinking. They say, in a matter of time, it might even cease to exist. That is, if we continue on our current path. The rich will get richer, and the poor will continue to slip into poverty. Nearly a billion people in this world live on under a dollar a day. How can the poor get any poorer? Well, it's happening.

I imagine that most anyone reading this little memo considers themselves a firm member of the middle class. A few might be in the upper class, and a few less considered "poor." To those in the middle class, don't get too comfortable. How do you plan on keeping up?

How can any of us without a huge amount of disposable income keep up with this rapidly changing world? Technology advances, evolves, and changes at incredibly high speeds. The new technology is always the most expensive technology, and these days, it's all new technology. It'll get faster, slicker, more beautiful, and, of course, more expensive. How do you plan on keeping up?

I thought of that great old cartoon The Jetsons the other day. I remembered how they lived in the clouds. Their homes and office buildings seemed to be miles up off the ground, maybe somehow connected to the Earth below. They had flying cars. They had talking robot housemaids. They had television phones. And I wondered how many millions of poor people were still living in the mud on the Earth's surface below. You never heard about them. Did they have talking robot housemaids? Doubtful. Did they have floating treadmills and fancy designer future clothes? Probably not.

They lingered below, without the great new technology, living on less than a dollar a day. Because as the Jetsons got richer, the poor got poorer. Does anyone remember seeing a minority on the Jetsons? I'm sure there were at least a couple, but I don't remember any of them.

Do you think there was a middle class? While Sub-Saharan Africa was still suffering from AIDS and other diseases, while Indonesian nations were dreaming of someday rising into the clouds, do you think somehwhere in between , floating halfway between the clouds and Earth, was a middle class with older model talking robots? Converted flying Corrolas? Second hand Cogswell Cogs? We never heard about them. That's because in the future, while the Jetsons are taking their dogs out for automatic walks, the poor have become too poor to be remembered. They have been forgotten, and the middle class has ceased to exist.

Harbor your ipods now middle class. Enjoy the Dells while they last. Because pretty soon, you won't be able to afford any of it. Buy hey, there's still one little ray of sunshine. While the likes of the Jetsons are puttering around in their flying cars and talking on their television phones, they won't be worried about today's technology. They'll have moved onto new things to get bored with. And maybe, after they've used it all up, they will just dump it over the side wall of their houses in the clouds, and little gifts will float down to the poor from a discarding heaven.

The middle class is shrinking, and that doesn't mean everyone is getting rich. It doesn't mean that you can be okay with it because you got your college degree. Don't plan on living life in the clouds, but if you do end up there, I hope one thing: that the screams of terror from hell below will be loud enough to reach up to you in your sleep (Wow. That's intense). Billions of people are forgotten everyday, and you are one of the blessed. Houses in the clouds make one hell of a gated community. Don't forget your brothers below.

never a dull moment...

jesus hearts U2

Lennon

As many of you know (or many of you do not know), today is the 26th anniversary of Beatle, John Lennon’s tragic death.
Oddly enough, John was killed in the Christmas season.
I think that it is ironic that in 1971 John and his wife Yoko wrote the song, “Happy Xmas”.

As tribute to the late, great John Lennon, here are the lyrics, during this Christmas season, to “Happy Xmas (war is over)”.
Let’s all hope that our war can be over soon!

Happy Christmas (War Is Over)
Yoko Ono & John Lennon

(Happy Christmas Kyoko
Happy Christmas Julian)
So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
A very Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong
And so happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let's stop all the fight
A very Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Christmas
And what have we done
Another year over
A new one just begun
And so happy Christmas
We hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
A very Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
War is over, if you want it
War is over now
Happy Christmas


HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!! Love you.
-jami

it's modest mouse time again!!!

Forthcoming release (We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank)

The band had planned a string of shows on the West Coast of the United States in August of 2006, but a recent update on Epic Records' Modest Mouse site states that the shows will be postponed due to the band working on recording their new album, entitled We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank. The new album was recorded in Mississippi and is being produced by Dennis Herring, who also produced Good News for People Who Love Bad News.

As of June 26, 2006, the band has finished its recording in Oxford, Mississippi at Sweet Tea Recording Studio with producer Dennis Herring and has returned to Portland, Oregon to finish overdubs and mixing. Johnny Marr is a confirmed member of the band, co-writing songs for the new album with Isaac Brock. According to Brock himself, Marr is now "a full blown member of the band," and he will tour with the band in the near future. Brock appears excited about the album, describing it as a "nautical balalaika carnival romp".

In a recent interview, Isaac Brock has mentioned two song titles, "We've Got Everything" and "Steaming Genius," the latter of which is about a "robot messiah." [The album, which was due December 19, 2006, has been postponed until "early next year", according the official website.

if you're from denver...you'll get it

DENVER DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is: "den-ver" not
Denvah.

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Denver has its own
version of traffic rules...the cars/truck with the loudest muffler goes
next at a 4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after
that.(Note: Blue-haired, green-haired or cranberry-haired ladies
driving anything have right of way anytime.)

3. To find anything in Denver it is required that you know Colfax and
Broadway; the Alpha and Omega -- the beginning and the End.

4. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 to 10:00 a.m. The evening rush
hour is from 3:00 to 7:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
morning.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
cussed out and possibly shot.

6. You must know that "I-25 and the Valley Hwy" are the same road. Same
goes for Hampden Ave and Highway 285, 6th Ave and US Hwy 6, and Colfax
Ave and Highway 40. If anyone calls Colfax Ave Hwy 40, tell them to go
back to Kansas.

7. North and south only vaguely resemble the real direction of certain
streets such as Speer Blvd. and Leetsdale Dr. (Parker Rd).

8. Highway 285 runs north, south, east and west and every direction in
between; it can be found in every section of the Denver area to make
navigating interesting.

9. Construction is a permanent fixture in Denver. The barrels are moved
around in the middle of the night to make the next days driving a bit
more exciting.

10. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as drunks, jay-walkers,
pan-handlers, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes,
cats, pieces of other cars, truck tires, squirrels, rabbits, prairie
dogs and crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.

11. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches for your vehicle is
recommended for city driving. Lots of "stuff" falls off or falls from
something.

12. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
activated."

13. The minimum acceptable speed on all freeways --I-25, I-76, I-225,
US 285/Hampden, Hwys 87 and 36 is 85 mph. Anything less is considered
downright sissy. This is Colorado's version of NASCAR. The difference
is some drivers are armed and irritable!

14. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. (It maybe hazardous to your
health)

15. If you are in the left lane and are going only 70 in a 55-65
zone...you are considered a road hazard, and will be "flipped off"
accordingly.

16. The trend in recent years indicates if it's 70 degrees,
Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

17. If it's snowing, it could well be the week after Memorial Day.

18. Highway 36 to and from Boulder is called the "Turnpike." No other
highway is called the Turnpike. If someone refers to another highway as
a Turnpike, tell them to go back to the East.

19. If someone refers to a highway with the article "the," as in, "The
25" tell them to go back to California.

20. A red light means four more cars can go through. Not three, not
five. Four.

21. Lincoln Street is a major route into Downtown and runs north and
south. Lincoln Ave. is now a major route on the south end of town, but
the two never meet.

22. University and Colorado are two boulevards that run parallel.
Geometry not working in the suburbs, these streets intersect south of
C-470.

23. Alameda and Mississippi are two avenues that run parallel, but
since geometry not working in the suburbs, these streets intersect east of I-225 and west of Kipling.

24. When you see an orange cone, you must stop and then move slowly
until there are no more cones. There need not be construction, only
cones.

25. By state law, there will be a rollover accident in the median on
C-470 between Quebec St. and Santa Fe Drive no less often than once
every other business day.

26. Despite the fact that Colorado Boulevard is a straight line from
I-70 to I-25, it is not a shortcut, especially at rush hour. Same goes
for University, which changes names three times anyway.

Merging rules:
(a) Under no circumstances should you ever allow anyone, in any way, to
get in front of you. No more than one car length must be between you
and the one in front of you, as rear-end collisions happen to other people. If traffic is merging into one lane, then you better make dang
sure you hug the back bumper of the car in front of you, because you
can't let anyone "cut in line."

(b) When merging onto a highway, ignore the acceleration lane entirely
and move directly into traffic as quickly as possible, regardless of
the fact that your current speed may be as low as 35MPH. This is especially true if you are driving a "land yacht" or some other vehicle that has low acceleration.

(c) Certainly you should never speed up to merge, even if you stay in
the "acceleration lane."

(d) Assume, when your lane ends, that everyone will get out of your
way. You don't even need to signal that you are moving to the next lane
over. Just drive to the end of the lane you are in and suddenly move to the next lane, whether there is a car next to you or not is irrelevant. You are driving the only car that counts.

27. NEVER yield at a yield sign. The yield sign is like an appendix, it
once had a purpose, but nobody can remember what it was.

28. When the roads are wet for any reason, assume that all traffic laws
are void. Stop signs, red lights, etc. are mere decoration if it is
snowing.

29. Four wheel drive vehicles can drive as fast as they want no matter
what the road conditions are; doubly so if the driver is talking on a
cell phone at the same time.

30. Highlands Ranch comes with its own rules. Like most suburbs, they
have only four actual street names, and then differentiate them with
street types like Road, Drive, Court, Trail, Turn, Dead-end, Way, Path,
Meandering, etc. Unlike most cities, however, there are double solid
white lines at some intersections. Crossing the lines will get you a
ticket in Highlands Ranch. Speeding, no, but crossing those lines WILL
get you a ticket.

31. Just because a street on the east side of town has the same name as
a street on the west side, does not mean you can drive on that one
street to get from Denver east to Denver west. See 6th Ave., Alameda,
Orchard, etc. There is only one exception: Colfax.

32. When you see the sign for the exit you need, aim for the right
shoulder, as many times additional lanes will spring up fully formed
between you and the ramp you want. This is especially true at DIA when
you are heading toward the East terminal.

33. When you have finished changing lanes on either I-70 or I-25, hit
the brakes.

34. When giving directions, be no more specific than "Near the
intersection of. . ." If you are half a mile away from the
intersection, that's fine. Always give directions with reference to the
mountains, i.e. "turn towards the mountains," even when giving
directions at night or downtown where you can't see the mountains.

35. Although it takes just 3 cars to create a traffic jam on I-25
around Thornton Pkwy., state law requires all drivers in the northern suburbs to get onto I-25 on Friday afternoon. This fosters the image of Denver as a bustling city of industry.

36. Don't ask what that smell is at US 85 and I-270. You do not want to
know. If small children ask what the smell is as you go past the dog
food factory on I-70, say something vaguely scientific, such as "It's
just photosynthesis."

37. Any activity downtown is surrounded by eight other activities
downtown; if you find a close parking space, treasure it like gold.

38. You can head west and turn north while taking the exit from
southbound US 285 to westbound C-470. You can drive southeast bound on
the Northwest Parkway. The sign from Santa Fe southbound to Hampden
westbound reads "South." This is why Denver directions are "out," "up,"
"in," "down" and sometimes "over"!!

i am the girl...

You can tell
from the scars on my arms
and the cracks in my hips
and the dents in my car
and the blisters on my lips
that i'm not the carefullest of girls

you can tell
from the glass on the floor
and the strings that're breaking
and i keep on breaking more
and it looks like i am shaking
but it's just the temperature
and then again
if it were any colder i could disengage
if i were any older i would act my age
but i dont think that you'd believe me
it's
not
the
way
i'm
meant
to
be
it's just the way the operation made me

and you can tell
from the state of my room
that they let me out too soon
and the pills that i ate
came a couple years too late
and ive got some issues to work through
there i go again
pretending to be you
make-believing
that i have a soul beneath the surface
trying to convince you
it was accidentally on purpose

i am not so serious
this passion is a plagiarism
i might join your century
but only on a rare occasion
i was taken out
before the labor pains set in and now
behold the world's worst accident
i am the girl anachronism

and you can tell
by the red in my eyes
and the bruises on my thighs
and the knots in my hair
and the bathtub full of flies
that i'm not right now at all
there i go again
pretending that i'll fall
don't call the doctors
cause they've seen it all before
they'll say just
let
her
crash
and
burn
she'll learn
the attention just encourages her

and you can tell
from the full-body cast
that you are sorry that you asked
though you did everything you could
like any decent person would
but i might be catching so don't touch
you'll start believing youre immune to gravity and stuff
don't get me wet
because the bandages will all come off

and you can tell
from the smoke at the stake
that the current state is critical
well it is the little things, for instance:
in the time it takes to break it she can make up ten excuses:
please excuse her for the day, its just the way the medication makes her...

i dont necessarily believe there is a cure for this
so i might join your century but only as a doubtful guest
i was too precarious removed as a caesarian
behold the worlds worst accident

I AM THE GIRL ANACHRONISM
I AM THE GIRL ANACHRONISM
I AM THE GIRL ANACHRONISM
I AM THE GIRL ANACHRONISM
i am the girl...
i am the girl...
i am the girl...
I AM THE GIRL ANACHRONISM