Day Thirty-Two

Tonight control your dreams. Freud postulated that our dreams are essentially the recombined elements of things that had affected us during the day. Today, think very hard about these three things and see if they crop up in your dreams tonight.

The Three Things Are:
1. Hedgehog
2. Aeroplace
3. Midget

I will report tomorrow...

Day Thirty-One

Nauru Awareness Day! Nauru is a tiny island all alone in the middle of the Pacific. Today let them know they're not completely forgotten by sending the President a friendly postcard at Office of the President, c/o Ministry of Works, Yaren, Nauru.

Dear Mr. President,

Greetings to you in Nauru from the United States! I am writing to you to pass on the information that I am aware of your existence, and today I am celebrating that awareness. I look forward to celebrating your 41st Independence Day on January 31. I plan taking the day off work.

Sincerely,
Jami

Day Thirty

I have been explicitly instructed to ignore this day.

Day Twenty-Nine

Dial a phone number at random and read this script with a deep South accent

The passage starts, "You now, without Christ, without Jesus, we have no hope." And it goes on and on, and talks about the Bible, and it is much too long to transcribe here, and I didn't even read the entire thing, so...

I find it offensive and did not participate.

Day Twenty-Eight

Choose your final meal on death row and make it

-Artichoke, boiled and served with warm garlic butter for dipping
-Country Cafe (KCMO) biscuits and gravy
-Best italian lasagna you've ever tasted
-Haagen Daas vanilla milkshake
-slice of Nono's strawberry cake
-bottle of Bonny Doone "Heart of Darkness"

Day Twenty-Seven

Today you are not allowed to use the words "yes" or "no". See just how far you get

5 minutes.

:(

Day Twenty-Six

Today choose what you'd prefer to be reincarnated as. Choose and send off a $5 donation to the Dali Lama, Lhassa, Tibet.

The obvious choice would be to come back as another human. I mean, so far life as a human has been pretty great, and I definitely have no intention of letting that go if I can help it. But I've led a pretty charmed life so far, so there is a good chance that I could come back as a human whose situation isn't as pleasant as mine. But hey, being alive is better than nothing, so that's a risk I'm willing to take. Here are some other popular choices...

Cockroach: If you can avoid getting smashed, your shelf life is pretty long.

Chimp or other monkey-like primate: You're pretty much one step away from being a human, but the standards of "Decent Behavior" are severely lowered, so you would be able to get away with a lot because hey, you're a monkey.

Panda Bear: You're a bear, so you are pretty much awesome! Plus, Pandas are rare so you would always be getting set up to mate. This makes zoo life a small price to pay for all the hot Panda action that's tossed in your direction.

Bald Eagle: Anybody lays a hand on you, you're certain to be avenged. Flying would be cool too.

Day Twenty-Five

Things you will never do before you die. Tick the boxes to come to terms with the fact that you will never...

-Visit Bhutan
-Become a world chess champion
-Rob a bank
-Have a sex change (for a day)
-Become a king
-Walk to the North Pole
-Learn Russian
-Learn the Periodic Table by heart
-Work in a coal mine
-Watch all of Bergman
-Follow Mao's teachings
-Move to Japan
-Visit space
-Wear a rugsack
-Inject heroin
-Become insensitive to suffering
-Be gay
-Start a cult
-Grow a beard
-Become a fitness instructor
-Become a rock star
-Live for one year on a deserted island
-Graffiti a highway bridge
-Own an owl
-Contimplate suicide
-Invade a small country
-Disinherit your heirs
-Seduce the prom queen
-Paint someone in tar and feathers
-Smoke a cat
-Marry someone you've never met
-Star in a Hollywood Blockbuster
-Be eaten by cannibals
-Win the lottery
-Turn 117 years old
-Settle in Pittsburg
-Become pope
-Marry a prince
-Grow a tail
-Become a muslim
-Become a buddhist
-Beat Bjorn Borg at tennis
-Be the 78th person on the moon
-Be called upon by the President
-Become immortal
-Memorize the encyclopedia
-Sacrafice a goat
-Get drunk on meths
-Sup with Satan
-Track down Lord Lucan
-Get away with murder
-Travel back in time
-Apologize for existing
-Spot the invisible man
-Spell "egg" differenty
-Have sex with your clone