2006 Awards (so far...)

It's close enough to the end of the year, so these are the awards as given...

1) DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR
Nicole and Di probably will take the cake on my last few months in Phoenix.

2a) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD - LONGEST FRIEND(s)?
My friends all (in one way or another) abandoned me this year….SO I’d have to say that the winner would be Jackie. She came in strong near then end.

2b) NEWCOMER AWARD - NEWEST FRIEND?
Kamryn and Jaime have been AMAZING the last 5 months.

3) HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
Well, let me think….(you mean there WAS a good part?!)
No, I think meeting and now dating Josh will DEFINETLY win this one!

4) LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
This one had no other competition: leaving Arizona and all the prequels to that event.

5) BEST HOLIDAY?
My birthday/Christmas time was AMAZING!!! But coming in a close second would have to be Memorial Day camping.

6) ANTHEM FOR 2006?
I’d say “sometimes you can’t make it on your own” –thanks to Josh for that one.

7) ANY REGRETS?
I live to regret nothing.

8) BEST NIGHT OUT?
The girls night for Nicole’s Graduation at the Big Bang…..Joe…..Paul……

9) WORST NIGHT OUT?
The night I was trashed and Oo’s and my friendship hit the rocks…hard.

10) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES WITH?
Myself

11) BEST RELATIONSHIP?
JOSH! >no brainer<

12) WORST RELATIONSHIP?
I think that one would be a tie between Aaron and Oo. >equally broke me<

13) FIRST GIG OF THE YEAR?
Partying it up in No. Carolina (whiskey river?)

14) LAST GIG OF THE YEAR?
It will probably be a quiet night at home.

15) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
I decided to move home to Denver.

16) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?
1-Spring Training in Phoenix or Ft. Meyers
2-Trip to Israel
3-Go back to school
4-Get outta debt!!

17) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?
To try to talk with Oo.

18) TOOL OF THE YEAR?
Probably Oo.

19) MOST LOYAL FRIEND(s)?
Ummmm….Josh.

20) BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR?
Moving….twice….and being with Josh. (flipped my world upside-down!!)

like a sandwich that tastes better because your mom made it

Some people have coffee addictions...okay alot of people...
In fact, I'd say 80% of the people I know have a caffiene addiction.
I'm apparently unable to have any addiction. I think this is due to my extreme sloth, and an addiction would require alot of effort on my part that I'm not willing to exert.

However, I do love pearl tea. I think I love it in the way that other people love Starbucks. I have one maybe once or twice every few months, mostly because it's kinda expensive for what you get-- tea, syrup, milk and gummies.

It occurred to me that I could probably make them at home.
So I looked it up.
Apparently I can.

But that would kind of take the fun out of it. Right?
Like how rich celebrities have Starbucks come out and install a custom coffee bar in their mansions. It can't be as good, because you still have to make it yourself.
And besides, I'm not Korean, I'll probably screw it up.

And if you're curious, this is what an extreme sloth* looks like>



*ok, I'm not extremely slothful, I just wanted to make that image.

Let it Snow Let it Snow Let it Snow!!!

Today is a mad crazy Christmas Blizzard!!!!!
I'm lucky enough to have snow for my birthday, but this is madness!!!

It started snowing late last night (12/19/06) and is going, going, going...stacking higher and higher as I sit here in my cubicle.

It's 9:52.

Hopefulyy I'll be leaving soon to get snowed in at home or with Josh watching movies for the next two days!!!

On 9News.com....every school in the city of Denver is closed today and a rapidly growing list of businesses are wising up and closing too.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!

FINALLY A WHITE CHRISTMAS FOR ME!!! (after 3 years in the desert!)

Pirate Party!!!!!

I had the best birthday party and I have the best friends in the world!!! Thanks everyone for coming and dressing up like pirates!!!! ARRRRRRGGG!

you thought you knew...didn't you...?

I've got a great personality, good charm, I like to look at my own reflection, I can put together puzzles rather quickly, I don't date, I love baseball and hockey, I know the definition of the word "charisma" and recite it on a regular basis, I'm easy to get along with, I don't talk to strangers, I like to use the same word in every sentence when writing emails, I hardly ever email people, I like nice things, I have mediocre stuff, I obsess over things I can never have, I have things I don't want, I'm cold, Jesus didn't and neither will I (WWJD), I love change, I like my hair wet, I don't like wind, I'm really self concious, I haven't eaten in a while, I miss Joey, I thrive on cranberry juice, I have a high pain tollerance, I don't know very many big words, I like to keep old school work, I eat the same thing everyday, I hate fraternaties, I want to ride in a kangaroo's pouch before I die, I have small hands and feet, I don't really know anything about possums, I write poetry, I like to pick other people's noses, I have a close family, I'm ridiculously scared of spiders and mice, I'm a clean freak, I hate cars, I'm tired, I have less than five friends, I know things that others do not, I don't like flip-phones, I don't remember most of the stuff I'd like to, I have more than four friends, I'm good with kids, I'm good at cheating during team games, I wear tank tops daily, I have people who owe me money, I hate the cheifs, I don't like goals, I love dreams, I eat a lot, I pop my knuckles, I gave a bunch of clothes to Goodwill, I love white cherry slurpees, I buy a bunch of the same socks so I don't have to sort or fold them, I get distracted easily, I like only one country song, I'm not going to tell you which one, I have a big bed, I think rain is nice weather, I write neater with pencils, I have a lot of scars, I remember important things, I have small ankles, I don't like confrontation, I remember little things, I think doorstops are fun, I drink a lot of beer, I can quote Clueless and Little Rascals word for word, I'm out of printer paper, I love meeting new people, I like to be tickled, I make up games and play them, I always win, I don't like people when I first meet them, I have cable TV, I can't draw, I want to invent teleportation, I'm afraid of flying, I'm proud of my stepdad, I go on dates by myself, I don't like blondes, I recently found out that Jackalopes are fake, I was very upset, I am Jack's broken heart, I chew gum constantly, I don't mind pooping in public, I believe that everyone looks at their poop, I've looked up The Statue of Liberty's dress, I was dissapointed, I miss perfect opportunites, I need a massage, I'm hungry, and I don't have pets.... just to give you a little idea about me.

My Middle Name is Kurt...Not Fart....

The $2 Bill

The $2 Bill.
Everyone should start carrying them!

I am STILL laughing!!
I think we need to quit saving our $2 bills and
bring them out in public.

The younger generation doesn't know they exist.

STORY:

On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for
a quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill
and a $2 bill.

I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to
eat and not have to worry about anyone getting
irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.

Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to
go "

Server: "That'll be $1.04. Eat in?"

Me: "No, it's to go." At this point, I open my
billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it
kind of funny.

Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."

He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within
my earshot.
The following conversation occurs between the two of
them:

Se rver: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"

Manager: "No. A what?"

Server: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."

Manager:"Ask for something else. There's no such
thing as a $2 bill."

Server: "Yeah, thought so."

He comes back to me and says, "We don't take these.
Do you have anything else?"

Me: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills?
Why?"

Server: "I don't know."

Me: "See here where it says legal tender?"

Server: "Yeah.

"Me: "So, why won't you take it?"

Server: "Well, hang on a sec."

He goes back to his manager, who has been watching
me like I'm a shoplifter, and says to him, "He says
I have to take it."

Manager:"Doesn't he have anything else?"

Server: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can
open the safe and get change "

Manager:"I'm not opening the safe with him in here."

Server: "What should I do?"

Manager: "Tell him to c ome back later when he has
real money."

Server: "I can't tell him that! You tell him."

Manager: "Just tell him."

Server: "No way! This is weird. I'm going in back."

The manager approaches me and says, "I'm sorry, but
we don't take big bills this time of night."

Me: "It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a
two dollar bill."

Manager:"We don't take those, either."

Me: "Why not?"
Manager:"I think you know why."

Me: "No really, tell me why."

Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."

Me: "Excuse me?"

Manager:"Please leave before I call mall security."

Me: "What on earth for?"

Manager:"Please, sir."

Me: "Uh, go ahead, call them."

Manager:"Would you please just leave?"

Me: "No."

Manager:"Fine -- have it your way then."

Me: "Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?"

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall
security on the phone around the corner. I have two
people staring at me from the dining area, and I
begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few
minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy Comes in.

Guard: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"

Manager (whispering): "This guy is trying to give me
some (pause) funny money."

Guard:"No kidding! What?"

Manager:"Get this .. A two dollar bill."
Guard (incredulous): "Why would a guy fake a two
dollar bill?"

Manager:"I don't know. He's kinda weird. He says
the only other thing he has is a fifty."

Guard:"Oh, so the fifty's fake!"

Manager:"No, the two dollar bill is."

Guard:"Why would he fake a two dollar bill?"

Manager:"I don't know! Can you talk to him, and get
him out of here?"

Guard:"Yeah."

Security Guard walks over to me and......

Guard:"Mike here tells me you have some fake bills
you're trying to use."

Me: "Uh, no."

Guard: "Lemme see 'em."

Me: "Why?"

Guard:"Do you want me to get the cops in here?"

At this point I am ready to say, "Sure, please!" but
I want to eat, so I say "I'm just trying to buy a
burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill. I
put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like
I'm taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns
it over a few times in his hands, and says, "Hey,
Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"

Manager:"It's fake."

Guard:"It doesn't look fake to me."

Manager: "But it's a two dollar bill."

Guard:"Yeah?"

Manager:"Well, there's no such thing, is there?"

The security guard and I both look at him like he's
an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no
clue.

So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he
threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon
thingies, too. Made me want to get a whole stack of
two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try
to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I
could probably end up in jail. You get free food
there, too

Just think...those two will be voting
soon...........

The Jetsons, technology, and the fading middle class.

They say the middle class is shrinking. They say, in a matter of time, it might even cease to exist. That is, if we continue on our current path. The rich will get richer, and the poor will continue to slip into poverty. Nearly a billion people in this world live on under a dollar a day. How can the poor get any poorer? Well, it's happening.

I imagine that most anyone reading this little memo considers themselves a firm member of the middle class. A few might be in the upper class, and a few less considered "poor." To those in the middle class, don't get too comfortable. How do you plan on keeping up?

How can any of us without a huge amount of disposable income keep up with this rapidly changing world? Technology advances, evolves, and changes at incredibly high speeds. The new technology is always the most expensive technology, and these days, it's all new technology. It'll get faster, slicker, more beautiful, and, of course, more expensive. How do you plan on keeping up?

I thought of that great old cartoon The Jetsons the other day. I remembered how they lived in the clouds. Their homes and office buildings seemed to be miles up off the ground, maybe somehow connected to the Earth below. They had flying cars. They had talking robot housemaids. They had television phones. And I wondered how many millions of poor people were still living in the mud on the Earth's surface below. You never heard about them. Did they have talking robot housemaids? Doubtful. Did they have floating treadmills and fancy designer future clothes? Probably not.

They lingered below, without the great new technology, living on less than a dollar a day. Because as the Jetsons got richer, the poor got poorer. Does anyone remember seeing a minority on the Jetsons? I'm sure there were at least a couple, but I don't remember any of them.

Do you think there was a middle class? While Sub-Saharan Africa was still suffering from AIDS and other diseases, while Indonesian nations were dreaming of someday rising into the clouds, do you think somehwhere in between , floating halfway between the clouds and Earth, was a middle class with older model talking robots? Converted flying Corrolas? Second hand Cogswell Cogs? We never heard about them. That's because in the future, while the Jetsons are taking their dogs out for automatic walks, the poor have become too poor to be remembered. They have been forgotten, and the middle class has ceased to exist.

Harbor your ipods now middle class. Enjoy the Dells while they last. Because pretty soon, you won't be able to afford any of it. Buy hey, there's still one little ray of sunshine. While the likes of the Jetsons are puttering around in their flying cars and talking on their television phones, they won't be worried about today's technology. They'll have moved onto new things to get bored with. And maybe, after they've used it all up, they will just dump it over the side wall of their houses in the clouds, and little gifts will float down to the poor from a discarding heaven.

The middle class is shrinking, and that doesn't mean everyone is getting rich. It doesn't mean that you can be okay with it because you got your college degree. Don't plan on living life in the clouds, but if you do end up there, I hope one thing: that the screams of terror from hell below will be loud enough to reach up to you in your sleep (Wow. That's intense). Billions of people are forgotten everyday, and you are one of the blessed. Houses in the clouds make one hell of a gated community. Don't forget your brothers below.

never a dull moment...

jesus hearts U2

Lennon

As many of you know (or many of you do not know), today is the 26th anniversary of Beatle, John Lennon’s tragic death.
Oddly enough, John was killed in the Christmas season.
I think that it is ironic that in 1971 John and his wife Yoko wrote the song, “Happy Xmas”.

As tribute to the late, great John Lennon, here are the lyrics, during this Christmas season, to “Happy Xmas (war is over)”.
Let’s all hope that our war can be over soon!

Happy Christmas (War Is Over)
Yoko Ono & John Lennon

(Happy Christmas Kyoko
Happy Christmas Julian)
So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
A very Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong
And so happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let's stop all the fight
A very Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Christmas
And what have we done
Another year over
A new one just begun
And so happy Christmas
We hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
A very Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
War is over, if you want it
War is over now
Happy Christmas


HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!! Love you.
-jami

it's modest mouse time again!!!

Forthcoming release (We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank)

The band had planned a string of shows on the West Coast of the United States in August of 2006, but a recent update on Epic Records' Modest Mouse site states that the shows will be postponed due to the band working on recording their new album, entitled We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank. The new album was recorded in Mississippi and is being produced by Dennis Herring, who also produced Good News for People Who Love Bad News.

As of June 26, 2006, the band has finished its recording in Oxford, Mississippi at Sweet Tea Recording Studio with producer Dennis Herring and has returned to Portland, Oregon to finish overdubs and mixing. Johnny Marr is a confirmed member of the band, co-writing songs for the new album with Isaac Brock. According to Brock himself, Marr is now "a full blown member of the band," and he will tour with the band in the near future. Brock appears excited about the album, describing it as a "nautical balalaika carnival romp".

In a recent interview, Isaac Brock has mentioned two song titles, "We've Got Everything" and "Steaming Genius," the latter of which is about a "robot messiah." [The album, which was due December 19, 2006, has been postponed until "early next year", according the official website.

if you're from denver...you'll get it

DENVER DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is: "den-ver" not
Denvah.

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Denver has its own
version of traffic rules...the cars/truck with the loudest muffler goes
next at a 4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after
that.(Note: Blue-haired, green-haired or cranberry-haired ladies
driving anything have right of way anytime.)

3. To find anything in Denver it is required that you know Colfax and
Broadway; the Alpha and Omega -- the beginning and the End.

4. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 to 10:00 a.m. The evening rush
hour is from 3:00 to 7:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
morning.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
cussed out and possibly shot.

6. You must know that "I-25 and the Valley Hwy" are the same road. Same
goes for Hampden Ave and Highway 285, 6th Ave and US Hwy 6, and Colfax
Ave and Highway 40. If anyone calls Colfax Ave Hwy 40, tell them to go
back to Kansas.

7. North and south only vaguely resemble the real direction of certain
streets such as Speer Blvd. and Leetsdale Dr. (Parker Rd).

8. Highway 285 runs north, south, east and west and every direction in
between; it can be found in every section of the Denver area to make
navigating interesting.

9. Construction is a permanent fixture in Denver. The barrels are moved
around in the middle of the night to make the next days driving a bit
more exciting.

10. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as drunks, jay-walkers,
pan-handlers, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes,
cats, pieces of other cars, truck tires, squirrels, rabbits, prairie
dogs and crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.

11. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches for your vehicle is
recommended for city driving. Lots of "stuff" falls off or falls from
something.

12. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
activated."

13. The minimum acceptable speed on all freeways --I-25, I-76, I-225,
US 285/Hampden, Hwys 87 and 36 is 85 mph. Anything less is considered
downright sissy. This is Colorado's version of NASCAR. The difference
is some drivers are armed and irritable!

14. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. (It maybe hazardous to your
health)

15. If you are in the left lane and are going only 70 in a 55-65
zone...you are considered a road hazard, and will be "flipped off"
accordingly.

16. The trend in recent years indicates if it's 70 degrees,
Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

17. If it's snowing, it could well be the week after Memorial Day.

18. Highway 36 to and from Boulder is called the "Turnpike." No other
highway is called the Turnpike. If someone refers to another highway as
a Turnpike, tell them to go back to the East.

19. If someone refers to a highway with the article "the," as in, "The
25" tell them to go back to California.

20. A red light means four more cars can go through. Not three, not
five. Four.

21. Lincoln Street is a major route into Downtown and runs north and
south. Lincoln Ave. is now a major route on the south end of town, but
the two never meet.

22. University and Colorado are two boulevards that run parallel.
Geometry not working in the suburbs, these streets intersect south of
C-470.

23. Alameda and Mississippi are two avenues that run parallel, but
since geometry not working in the suburbs, these streets intersect east of I-225 and west of Kipling.

24. When you see an orange cone, you must stop and then move slowly
until there are no more cones. There need not be construction, only
cones.

25. By state law, there will be a rollover accident in the median on
C-470 between Quebec St. and Santa Fe Drive no less often than once
every other business day.

26. Despite the fact that Colorado Boulevard is a straight line from
I-70 to I-25, it is not a shortcut, especially at rush hour. Same goes
for University, which changes names three times anyway.

Merging rules:
(a) Under no circumstances should you ever allow anyone, in any way, to
get in front of you. No more than one car length must be between you
and the one in front of you, as rear-end collisions happen to other people. If traffic is merging into one lane, then you better make dang
sure you hug the back bumper of the car in front of you, because you
can't let anyone "cut in line."

(b) When merging onto a highway, ignore the acceleration lane entirely
and move directly into traffic as quickly as possible, regardless of
the fact that your current speed may be as low as 35MPH. This is especially true if you are driving a "land yacht" or some other vehicle that has low acceleration.

(c) Certainly you should never speed up to merge, even if you stay in
the "acceleration lane."

(d) Assume, when your lane ends, that everyone will get out of your
way. You don't even need to signal that you are moving to the next lane
over. Just drive to the end of the lane you are in and suddenly move to the next lane, whether there is a car next to you or not is irrelevant. You are driving the only car that counts.

27. NEVER yield at a yield sign. The yield sign is like an appendix, it
once had a purpose, but nobody can remember what it was.

28. When the roads are wet for any reason, assume that all traffic laws
are void. Stop signs, red lights, etc. are mere decoration if it is
snowing.

29. Four wheel drive vehicles can drive as fast as they want no matter
what the road conditions are; doubly so if the driver is talking on a
cell phone at the same time.

30. Highlands Ranch comes with its own rules. Like most suburbs, they
have only four actual street names, and then differentiate them with
street types like Road, Drive, Court, Trail, Turn, Dead-end, Way, Path,
Meandering, etc. Unlike most cities, however, there are double solid
white lines at some intersections. Crossing the lines will get you a
ticket in Highlands Ranch. Speeding, no, but crossing those lines WILL
get you a ticket.

31. Just because a street on the east side of town has the same name as
a street on the west side, does not mean you can drive on that one
street to get from Denver east to Denver west. See 6th Ave., Alameda,
Orchard, etc. There is only one exception: Colfax.

32. When you see the sign for the exit you need, aim for the right
shoulder, as many times additional lanes will spring up fully formed
between you and the ramp you want. This is especially true at DIA when
you are heading toward the East terminal.

33. When you have finished changing lanes on either I-70 or I-25, hit
the brakes.

34. When giving directions, be no more specific than "Near the
intersection of. . ." If you are half a mile away from the
intersection, that's fine. Always give directions with reference to the
mountains, i.e. "turn towards the mountains," even when giving
directions at night or downtown where you can't see the mountains.

35. Although it takes just 3 cars to create a traffic jam on I-25
around Thornton Pkwy., state law requires all drivers in the northern suburbs to get onto I-25 on Friday afternoon. This fosters the image of Denver as a bustling city of industry.

36. Don't ask what that smell is at US 85 and I-270. You do not want to
know. If small children ask what the smell is as you go past the dog
food factory on I-70, say something vaguely scientific, such as "It's
just photosynthesis."

37. Any activity downtown is surrounded by eight other activities
downtown; if you find a close parking space, treasure it like gold.

38. You can head west and turn north while taking the exit from
southbound US 285 to westbound C-470. You can drive southeast bound on
the Northwest Parkway. The sign from Santa Fe southbound to Hampden
westbound reads "South." This is why Denver directions are "out," "up,"
"in," "down" and sometimes "over"!!

i am the girl...

You can tell
from the scars on my arms
and the cracks in my hips
and the dents in my car
and the blisters on my lips
that i'm not the carefullest of girls

you can tell
from the glass on the floor
and the strings that're breaking
and i keep on breaking more
and it looks like i am shaking
but it's just the temperature
and then again
if it were any colder i could disengage
if i were any older i would act my age
but i dont think that you'd believe me
it's
not
the
way
i'm
meant
to
be
it's just the way the operation made me

and you can tell
from the state of my room
that they let me out too soon
and the pills that i ate
came a couple years too late
and ive got some issues to work through
there i go again
pretending to be you
make-believing
that i have a soul beneath the surface
trying to convince you
it was accidentally on purpose

i am not so serious
this passion is a plagiarism
i might join your century
but only on a rare occasion
i was taken out
before the labor pains set in and now
behold the world's worst accident
i am the girl anachronism

and you can tell
by the red in my eyes
and the bruises on my thighs
and the knots in my hair
and the bathtub full of flies
that i'm not right now at all
there i go again
pretending that i'll fall
don't call the doctors
cause they've seen it all before
they'll say just
let
her
crash
and
burn
she'll learn
the attention just encourages her

and you can tell
from the full-body cast
that you are sorry that you asked
though you did everything you could
like any decent person would
but i might be catching so don't touch
you'll start believing youre immune to gravity and stuff
don't get me wet
because the bandages will all come off

and you can tell
from the smoke at the stake
that the current state is critical
well it is the little things, for instance:
in the time it takes to break it she can make up ten excuses:
please excuse her for the day, its just the way the medication makes her...

i dont necessarily believe there is a cure for this
so i might join your century but only as a doubtful guest
i was too precarious removed as a caesarian
behold the worlds worst accident

I AM THE GIRL ANACHRONISM
I AM THE GIRL ANACHRONISM
I AM THE GIRL ANACHRONISM
I AM THE GIRL ANACHRONISM
i am the girl...
i am the girl...
i am the girl...
I AM THE GIRL ANACHRONISM

>no subject on reality<

The TV blares, the computer glares. My heart begins to beat at the pulse of an mp3. It's later and later and tomorrow is early, but the .coms scream for attention. My inbox is empty. My thoughts begin http. I remember the days when html were four random letters. I am a member of that generation, the one that lived on the verge. Willing to jump over if they wanted. Some did. Some couldn't see bottom. Electric lines have begun to become invisible, but my allergies still flare up. Dogs still bark and my nose still itches. All the world is moving by inches and inches. A million flags wave, some only rustle. I dream of a time without poles. There was no need for declaration. No desire for recreation, because all life was a walk in the park. Now I grasp against a work grain. There's nothing new under the sun. But howcome nothing ever seems the same? There's nothing new under the sun, but I think I just got here. You know? When man took his first steps it was down a dead road. The flowers were bright and he could see some strange light. But it all came to chopping down wood and making faster things. For what? do you ask? Of course we do not. If we do, we hear our own cruel voices telling us the obvious truth. There is no light, no long dark tunnel. Instead the path is light and the end dark. You come and you go. Goodbye. Hello. Goodbye once again. But hello. Where once was a face, now some shining bright thing, keeping me up away from a lackluster life, and how how I try, to fix it all with green tea. And I don't want it. The new shoes the grand slams. I don't want to think of a commercial when I look at my feet. I look for a truth, but realize the truth less, when I see that the truth is free. Let me pay! Let me pay! Without green I can't live! Without green I can't live. Without green i can't live. w/o grn i cnt lv. and the trees chop, chop, chop. some father cries. And some manhood dies. but my screen, oh how it shines.

politics

You are a Social Conservative (25% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (36% permissive) You are best described as a: Totalitarian Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

jami says hellooooo autumn

today is monday, and i think this is officially the second weekend of "autumn". this year was my first summer off in so many years... i even had a "back to school" anxiety dream a few nights ago. but i am not heading back to school. in fact, i have no reason to be dreaming such foolish dreams.

i traveled and moved alot over the summer. it sort of seemed like i was going to summer camp. except i never went to summer camp. so i guess, i could be surprised by how unlike summer camp the whole thing is in real life, when its not a movie. im keeping my hopes high. i really want it to be like summer camp damn it.

i watched a re-run of the mtv music awards last night. i really think the new killers single is killer. and this morning i listened to it on their myspace page 100 times.

i think of all the places i have been in the past 8 years and i wonder what the 8 year old me would have thought of it all. knowing where i'd end up going and all.

i dont know what this has to do with the killers.

i just really like the new song.

and i also think the more hair the better.

in fact, i think i might grow a beard to be like brandon. why not?

well, happy end of summer. i hope you all had a good one. or if it was a sort of stressful, hot and humid summer like the one i had, then good riddance!!! and hellooooo autumn. autumn is the new hell yeah.

best friends.

jami.

split!!

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Social Issues: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Ethics: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

what i'm looking for

Well I don't know what I'm looking for but I know that I just wanna look some more.

And I won't be satisfied 'Till there's nothing left that I haven't tried.

For some people it's an easy choice But for me there's a devil and an angel's voice.

Well I don't know what I am looking for But I know that I just wanna look some more.

Well I don't know what I'm living for But I know that I just wanna live some more.

And you hear it from strangers And you hear it from friends That love never dies, love never ends.

Now I don't wanna argue, no I don't wanna fight 'Cause you're always wrong and I'm always right.

Well I don't know what I am living for But I know that I just wanna live some more.

I used to be involved, and I felt like a king Now I've lost it all and I don't feel a thing.

I may never grow old, I may never give in And I'll blame this world that I live in.

I visit hell on a daily basis I see the sadness in all your faces.

I've got friends who have married And their lives seem complete.

Here I am still stumbling down a darkened street.

And I act like a child and I'm insecure And I'm filled with doubt and I'm immature.

Sometimes it creeps up on me and before I know it I'm lost at sea.

But no matter how far I row I always find my way back home.

But I don't know what I've been waiting for But I know that I don't wanna wait anymore.

airports

in lieu of my flying adventures yesterday, i've chosen to share a piece of a book i'm reading:

"
Cotard's syndrome is a mental disorder where the victim concludes that he or she is dead. Sometimes the victims of Cotard's syndrome think they can smell their own flesh rotting. I must concede that this has never happened to me. I probably don't have full-on Cotard's, but there are moments when I feel like I'm dead. This is especially true when I'm in airports. Anytime I'm in a foreign place with lots of strangers who share an identical (yet completely unrelated) purpose, I start to think I'm in purgatory. For as long as I can remember, I've had a theory that life on earth is purgatory, because life on earth seems to have all the purgatorial qualities that were once described to me by nuns. It's almost like we're all Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense, but nobody on "earth" has figured this out yet, even though it will suddenly seem obvious when we get to the end. Sometimes I think that the amount of time you live on earth is just an inverse reflection of how good you were in a previous existence; for example, infants who die from SIDS were actually great people when they were alive "for real", so they get to go to heaven after a mere five weeks in purgatory. Meanwhile, anyone Willard Scott even congratulated for turning 102 was obviously a terrible individual who had many, many previous sins to pay for and had to spend a century in his or her unknown purgatory (even though the person seemed perfectly wholesome in this particular world). This hypothesis becomes especially clear inside any airport. It's like a warehouse full of dead people rushing from gate to gate to gate, all of whom are unaware that----if they are lucky---they will have the good fortune to board a 727 that crashes into a mountain. Then they will be out of purgatory.
These other people don't know they're dead, though. They think they're alive, wordlessly walking through the airport chomping down three-dollar Cinnabon cinnamon rolls. I might be the only one who's aware of this, which means I am quite possibly a prophet. It also means I quite possibly have Cotard's syndrome. It's always a 50-50.
"

(Killing Yourself to Live by Chuck Klosterman)

it's such an amazing perpective and i love reading klosterman's work. he's hilariously brilliant. so think about that next time you find your self in an airport. (by the way i DID have a cinnabon yesterday....lol)

objectivity and faith

"Thus, if someone wants to have faith and reason too, well, let the comedy begin. He wants to have faith, but he wants to assure himself with the aid of objective deliberation. What happens? With the aid of reason, the absurd becomes something else; it becomes probable, it becomes more probable, it may become to a high degree exceedingly probable, even demonstrable. Now he is all set to believe it, and he dares to say of himself that he does not believe as shoemakers and tailors and simple folk do, but only after long and careful deliberation. Now he is all set to believe, but, lo and behold, now it has indeed become impossible to believe. The almost probable, the probable, the to-a-high-degree and exceedingly probable, that he can almost know, or as good as know, to a higher degree and exceedingly almost know – but believe, that cannot be done, for the absurd is precisely the object of faith and only that can be believed with the passion of inwardness.

Christianity claims to be the eternal, essential truth that has come into existence in time. It proclaims itself as the paradox and thus requires the inwardness of faith – that which is an offense to the Jews, foolishness to the Greeks, and an absurdity to the understanding. It cannot be expressed more strongly: Objectivity and faith are at complete odds with each other. What does objective faith mean? Doesn’t it amount to nothing more than a sum of tenets?

Christianity is nothing of the kind. On the contrary, it is inwardness, an inwardness of existence that places a person decisively, more decisively than any judge can place the accused, between time and eternity, between heaven and hell in the time of salvation. But objective faith? It is as if Christianity was a little system of sorts, although presumably not as good as the Hegelian system. It is as if Christ – it is not my fault that I say it – had been a professor and as if the apostles had formed a little professional society of thinkers. The passion of inwardness and objective deliberation are at complete odds with each other. There is no way of getting around it. To become objective, to become preoccupied with the “what” of Christianity, instead of with the “how” of being Christian, is nothing but a retrogression.

Christianity is subjective; the inwardness of faith in the believer is the truth’s eternal decision. Objectively there is no truth “out there” for existing beings, but only approximations, whereas subjectively truth lies in inwardness, because the decision of truth is in subjectivity. For how can decision be an approximation or only to a certain degree? What could it possibly mean to assert or to assume that decision is like approximation, is only to a certain degree? I will tell you what it means. It means to deny decision. The decision of faith, unlike speculation, is designed specifically to put an end to that perpetual prattle of “to a certain degree.”

- Soren Kierkegaard, Concluding Unscientific Postscript, paraphrased.

lifestyle

Many Christians will proudly tell you that Christianity is not a religion, but a relationship (with God). Fair enough.

But I will go on to say this: Christianity is not merely a relationship; it is a lifestyle. For it is easier to have some beliefs in certain qualities and characters of God, as compared to actually living out our life by obeying his commands. For that is the ultimate expression of our faith: If you love me (Christ), you will obey what I command. (John 14:15)

Christ is not merely a teacher of truth, he IS Truth. Therefore, to be a true Christian, one do not merely hold some intellectual opinions or dogmas about Jesus; one lives them. Did Christ not say, "I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you." and "Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day." (John 6:53-54)? Unless we internalize the Way, the Truth and the Life, we have no part of him in us. Unless we live out our Christian life existentially (existing within Christ's teachings and acting accordingly instead of merely observing and believing in a detached manner), we are NOT Christians.And that, is one inconvenient truth to many self-professed Christians. To add works into "faith only" requires an active participation on our parts, which will bring us directly into conflict with the world. Nah, people would rather just lay back and believe that we will be saved by merely believing in Jesus, for it's oh-so-inconvenient to actually live as one and to step into the battlefield against the world.

And that my brothers and sisters, is the ultimate deception. Such beliefs are even more dangerous than any active atheists or pagans can come out with: for the ultimate defeat comes not from without, but within. Sadly, the threat has alrealy infiltrated deeply into the psyche of Christendom. One must therefore not only resist temptations from the world, but from the culture and norm of the Church itself.

True, it is highly possible for people who has taken this choice to walk a lonely way in their struggle to live a life worthy to be called a Christian, espeacially when one can't find much support even within the Church itself. But if one perseveres till the very end, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. (James 1:12)

Remember, God's grace is sufficient for us!

As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.
- James 2:26

"happy"

..."happy", i muttered, trying to pin the word down. But it is one of those words, like love, that i have never quite understood. Most people who deal in words don't have much faith in them and I am no exception- especially the big ones like happy and love and honest and strong. They are too elusive and far too relative when you compare them to sharp little words like punk and cheap and phony. I feel at home with these, because they are scrawney and easy to pin, but the big ones are tough and it takes either a priest or a fool to use them with any confidence.

- Hunter S. Thompson

you know you're from colorado when....

(this one's new and improved from the last one!)

People move onto the highway at 15 miles an hour.
You have absolutely no recognizable accent.
If the humidity gets above 25%, you consider it "muggy".
You only go to Central City when friends are in from out of town.
You have been skiing less than 10 times in your life.
You think 5-points is a ghetto.
You are the third car to run a red light after it has changed.
You say things like "I don't care how big Golden is, it's still a one-horse town".
You think only stupid people get lost in your town.
When giving directions, you never say "Turn left, turn right", it's always go West, then South.
Everyone knows "west" is towards the mountains.
During a thunderstorm you wonder "which I-25 underpass is flooding".
You never plan a picnic between 3:30 and 6:00 in Spring or Summer months.
If it rains more than 2 days straight you compare the weather to being in Seattle.
You voted for higher taxes to fund Coors field, but voted down taxes for public transportation. You have a broken windshield.
You see no reason to travel to Aurora.
The only RTD bus you've been on is the 16th Street shuttle.
You carry your $3,000 mountain bike on top of your $500 car.
You thought "Californication" would be banned by Amendment 2.
You think "South Park" is a place to stop for gas on your way to Buena Vista.
You have a business degree and are frying burgers at a McDonald's in Vail.
You have a fat tire in your refrigerator and your garage.
You own a big dog named Aspen, Buck, Cheyenne or Dakota that wears a bandanna.
You cast out your fishing line while white-water rafting.
You've never seen the tourist attractions in your own city.
You think a pass does not involve a football or a woman.
You are 82 years old and take up snowboarding.
Your real Y2K fear was running out of Celestial Seasonings tea and trail mix.
The entire top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You personally wouldn't pay $10 per head to drive up Pikes Peak unless it was the only mountain on earth, but you tell all our house-guests to do it.
You get depressed after one day of foggy weather.
You think that formal wear is ironed denim.
North means "mountains to the left;" south is "mountains to the right;" and east and west are where all those damned liberals keep moving in from.
You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels "sticky" and you notice the sky is no longer blue.
You consider a three-piece suit to be a pair of shorts, a sweatshirt and Birkenstocks.
You see your East Coast relatives now more than when you lived there.
You think gun control is a steady hand.
You can run up 10 flights of stairs without huffing and puffing.
You've stood on solid ground and looked down on an airplane in flight.
You know what the "Peoples Republic of Boulder" means.
You're a meat eating vegetarian.
You think the major food groups are Boulder Bars, tofu and Fat Tire Beer.
You've been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate your local sports team's victory.
You can drive over a 12,000 foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but can't get to work if there are 4 inches of snow.
You know the correct pronunciation of Buena Vista.
When you visit friends at sea level, you can drink a case of beer and not get a buzz.
Your car insurance costs more than your car.
You have surge protectors on every outlet.
April showers bring May blizzards.
You see someone riding a Harley in a snowstorm, and you look closer to see if it's anyone you know.
"Timberline" is someplace you have actually been. Many times.
You know what a "Chinook" is.
You know what a "rocky mountain oyster" is.
You know what a "fourteener" is.
But you don't know what a "turn signal" is.
A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you nearly as much as a Democrat in Congress does. Your golf bag has a 9-iron, a 3-wood and a lightning-rod.
People from other states breathe 5 times as often as you do.
Having a Senator named Nighthorse doesn't seem strange.
Thunder has set off your car alarm.
A sudden loss of cabin pressure is not a big deal.
"Where we're going, we don't need roads!" You know where Doc Holliday's grave is.
You can recognize the license plates of all 50 states on sight.
Driving directions usually include 'Go over ____ Pass...'
You've used "checking for ticks" as an excuse to get someone naked.
You've gone skiing in July.
You've gone sunbathing in January.
They were both in the same year.
You get a certain feeling of satisfaction from knowing that California and Texas are both downstream.
You know the elevation of a town, but not its population.
You never pack away your coat and sweaters.
You can name only two people you know who were actually born in Colorado.
You call tumbleweed "groundcover".
You love your Broncos, your Avs, your Rockies, Nuggets - well you can't have everything.
You or someone you know plays golf 12 months of the year.
You don't have AC in your home, but you use it in your car all winter long.
If it snows in the morning you expect it to be gone by lunchtime.
You can name the states that make up the Four Corners.
You know what and where the Continental Divide is.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Colorado.

Since Christianity is simple, it is existential.

Luke 18:
15And they brought unto him also infants, that he would touch them: but when his disciples saw it, they rebuked them.
16But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.
17Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child shall in no wise enter therein.

Since Christianity is simple, it is existential.

This statement claims that Christianity is simple due to it being existential by nature. Christianity is not found in reason, the intellectual, the doctrinal, or the systematic. Christianity is essentially existential, and one virtue of an existential Christianity is that it is simple (simple in the sense that its essence is entirely independent of intellectual complication).

This does not mean a Christianity that is anti-intellectual or definitively irrational, however, since it does not necessarily follow that being independent of reason means being in conflict with reason. What I am trying to get at here is that the essence of a simple Christianity lies in our existence within the world, not our intellectual contemplation within the mind.

Existential Christianity is not just about privileging the practical over the theoretical though. Existentialism is not about ignoring the ultimate intellectual questions (such as “what is truth?”, “what is real?”, “what is the meaning of life?”), but rather finding the answers to these questions within our lived experience and not reason. Philosophers (such as the existentialists) come to this conclusion through their philosophy, poets through their artistic musings, workers through their work, and lovers through their love.

In conclusion, Christianity is simple and Existential. Those two terms are interconnected, but not entirely synonymous. Modern Christianity is not essentially existential, and thereby it is not a simple Christianity. It is caught up in the rigours of the doctrinal, to the point where it is now claimed that Christianity is these doctrines, and are constituted by them. Jesus wants followers to come to the kingdom of God as a little child, and by that he is pointing out the virtue of existential innocence that little children possess.

reason #880

coming from the "10,000 reasons civilization is doomed" :

reason # 880- people who love and miss Kurt Cobain, but never knew him personally.

tattoos

when it comes to tattoos, here is my advice:

1. Don't try to get a cheap tattoo. Cheap tattoos look terrible.

2. Don't get some little tattoo in the middle of a vast expanse of flesh. It will look a lot better now and later on if you get something bigger. Your alien head smoking a doobie will still look like an alien head smoking a doobie, instead of like a multicolored pork chop.

3. Don't get a tattoo of some band logo or some current fad. Trust me on this one. Seriously, dude. Alkaline Trio is NOT AWESOME, and definitely NOT AWESOME ENOUGH to advertise for the rest of your life, and SUPER NOT AWESOME ENOUGH to get that same tattoo that all the kids are seeming to get these days. You will not like it in three years. (And, no I NOT have an Alkaline Trio tattoo, I am just using that as an example, since I have seen 14,000 of them.)

4. Don't get a tattoo if you don't have the powers of self-knowledge to know what kind of stuff YOU like. Get something unique that showcases things you like to think about or people or things that mean something to you. It's cool if you like the Revend Horton Heat or whatever, but do you really feel strongly about cranked-out swallows and cherry bomb flaming dice thing? It can't be that profound, otherwise everyone else who has that tattoo would have already been inspired to start their own political party, and their presidential candidate would have been some naked lady in a martini glass with stars for nipples.

5. Don't take Advil or anything before you go... Apparently it will make things sloppier (ie. plasma-drippier) when you are getting the work done. Also, I hear that topical numbing creams are basically the worst idea ever, cause they don't last that long. Your chosen area will start to hurt in the middle of the tattoo, all at once. That would blow pretty hard, it is better to at least get used to the feeling of it and let it build up.

6. Don't get tattooed by a guy if you think he's a jerk. You are gonna have to be sitting with him for awhile, nobody likes hanging out with jerks.

7. Try not to pick it, and put a lot of lotion on it all the time after the scabs all fall off. I like using Gold Bond Ultimate Healing Lotion after my scabs fall off.

thank you and good night.

i was on your porch...

i was listening to "on your porch" by the Format today and there was something about this song that hit me. it's always been a good song, but today it almost brought me to tears. i've deemed it the anthem of the times for me:
"
what's left to lose?
i've done enough.
and if i fail, well then i fail but i gave it a shot.
cause these last three years,
i know they've been hard.
but now it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun.
even if it's alone.
"

yo la tengo ! ! !

Yo La Tengo

I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass

[Matador; 2006]

Rating: 8.3

Many Yo La Tengo fans suspected the band's best days were behind them after Summer Sun. Even the title was a bummer. In my mind I saw it as Setting Sun, and later thought of Around the Sun, both of which brought to mind autumn twilight, a slow fade into darkness, and the onset of a deadening winter. And while the music wasn't terrible (and had at least an enjoyable ambience), it sounded like it came from a band that was locked into something-- like Yo La Tengo had found a measured style they could tweak until they got bored of the band and called it quits. "If this is truly the next step in Yo La Tengo's move toward some abstract concept like artistic maturity," Eric Carr wrote in his Pitchfork Review, "I don't think I want to stick around for the conclusion."
Hearing their newest record, I'm hoping Eric hasn't left the building. From the opening bass growl of "Pass the Hatchet, I Think I'm Goodkind", it's a new morning on planet YLT. Right off, Georgia Hubley and James McNew are thriving on a riff and Ira Kaplan has his meanest distortion pedal out of hock kicking up clouds of noise because he can. And I'd forgotten how cool he can sound when singing. Here he's Joe Walsh bragging about a fully stocked medicine cabinet and the processing of his voice is perfect, with flanged midrange to accentuate his knowing calm. But Yo La Tengo wouldn't truly be back if they stayed in one place, and the following "Beanbag Chair" is a complete 180, a cuddly piano-driven ditty with velvety harmonies that wants nothing more than to find its way onto a prospective girlfriend's mixtape.
And that's the story here. Yo La Tengo have always sounded more in love with music than pretty much any indie band going, and they've let their diverse interests settle into a comfortable and productive place conducive to growing good songs. Everything they've done well in the past is found on here somewhere, even a couple of the gossamer mood pieces that previously threatened to smother their career like a damp wool blanket. An album of songs like "I Feel Like Going Home" might be trouble, but here it sounds just fine: There's lovely and subtle processing behind the piano and violin, and Georgia Hubley's voice has become a remarkably supple instrument. It's a real trick when you have her limited range to avoid sounding distant and bored, but completely inhabits her leads. The jaunty "The Weakest Part" hits the same sweet spot. It could be a nice Belle & Sebastian song, with its bouncy piano, easy harmonies, and taut construction.
The production is simple but not minimal. It feels overtly "classic" more than anything, with arrangements and instrumentation deliberately plucked from a wide range of rock and r&b sides from the past half-century. The horns backing James McNew's and Kaplan's falsettos on "Mr. Tough" are ladled from Memphis soul stew, punctuating the playfully phrased dancefloor challenge to a bully. "The Room Got Heavy", with its bongos and Martin Rev organ, is part skuzzy 70s-NYC racket, but Hubley humanizes and prettifies the drone and turns it into something approaching a song. The long instrumental "Daphnia", probably inspired by Yo La Tengo's now substantial movie-scoring side career, is more engaging than it has any right to be. It's just a guitar plucking a couple notes over and over while some crackly sound effects rustle in the background, and a creepy piano line ghosted from a John Carpenter score. And then, the scrappy "Watch out for Me Ronnie", with Kaplan half-yelling through a busted microphone, sounds like a lost Nuggets classic having a drink with the closing theme from "WKRP in Cincinnati".
Yes, "Black Flowers" is underwritten and drab, and "Songs for Mahila" is pretty enough but just sort of floats out the window, but hey, there are 15 songs and 77 minutes of music here, and it's not a perfect record. But rather than sounding overstuffed, I Am Not Afraid of You... sounds like a double album in the 70s sense, a chance for the band to stretch out and try everything in their repertoire even if the end result is a little shaggy. Really, this kind of committed and sincere musical sampler is the most natural place in the world for Yo La Tengo to be, but it wasn't clear if they'd ever find their way back.

dressing room dilemma

I can make a complaint out of absolutely anything. You probably know that by now. Yesterday, as I was shopping, I found one more thing to add to the ever-growing list of complaints. Dressing rooms. It's not that I don't like them. The problem is that every store has a different type of dressing room. They can't all just settle on a standard structure that suits everybody. There are just some things I don't like...

1. Dimly Lit Dressing Rooms: The purpose of the dressing room is to be able to try on the clothes and admire yourself in them, while deciding whether or not you'd like to purchase those clothes. The job of determining whether or not to buy said clothes is made ten times harder by the fact that you can't see them when you're in a dark dressing room!

2. Dressing Rooms Without Mirrors: Not only does it prevent the act of self-admiration in clothing that may or may not be bought based on the positive or negative results of that self-admiration, it forces you to exit the dressing room to admire along with every other woman in the store in the big mirror. When you haven't even decided if you want to buy something because you think it might not flatter your figure, it's not a good idea to force the consumer to try it out in front of everybody. You want to make sure that the article of clothing looks good on you before you try it out in public, not while you're out in public. And you might be thinking that nobody is going to be looking at you anyway, but you're wrong. Somebody is always looking, especially if you're in a group of women.

3. Small Dressing Rooms: If I don't have enough elbow room, things don't go so well. Dressing rooms the size of telephone booths just won't cut it. Each store should build the room with enough space so that each woman is able to practice her runway strut back and forth without running into the walls.

4. Dressing Rooms With Curtains: The problem with curtains is that I don't enjoy having to be worried that someone will walk on me in the process of dressing & undressing. At least with stalls, you can look under to see someone's feet and realize that the stall is occupied. With curtains, you just have to guess. I don't want to be on the other end of someone who doesn't guess very well.

5. Stores With Only One Dressing Room: I don't know why some stores think it's okay to have one dressing room for the entire store. Every woman who goes in there to buy something is going to want to try it on. Every woman who tries something on is going to want to hog the dressing room for at least 15 minutes (or more, depending on the amount of clothes she wants to buy). The line gets ridiculously long. I say, each store should have a dressing-room-to-woman ratio of at least 1 to 4.

Ideally, every store should have about 15 dressing rooms, 10 ft. by 10 ft., with a mirror that wraps around the whole dressing room, and a spotlight centered on a raised platform where I can properly admire myself while deciding not to buy the overpriced clothing that the store is trying to sell me.

things i take for granted

Sleep.
Breathing.
Getting to push the elevator button whenever I want.
Having other people cook for me.
My car.
Good friends.

14 days...only 14 more days

i've been anticipating the opening of a life changing movie for the past few months. "The Science of Sleep" will be released in only 14 short days on september 22nd. go see it. i'm pretty sure it will change your life.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fkf-7Z3EdG4

pretty much the most wonderful part of my life

 

imagine

Imagine one thing for me. It'll be easy. I paint a vivid picture.

A man onstage. An old fashioned stage with thick red curtains, a wood floor worn out from years of dancing and tumbles, and stage lights filled with melted wax candles. He is standing alone and there is either a backdrop of a vacant city street corner or of a quiet circus ring - center ring, you be the judge. He's whispering and no one can hear. The audience, if there even is one, can only see his mouth moving. His arms begin to twitch and his head jerks up. After a few moments of staring the crowd directly in the eyes, he finally asks loud enough for everyone to hear. A rhetorical question, it must be, because he doesn't really expect an answer. But the quiet city street, or the vacant center ring draws the voice from his lips, whether he wants to speak or not. He doesn't really want. "Are you okay?" he asks out loud, once and only once. The crowd isn't brave enough to answer. His head goes back down, he starts walking around, his arms fall silent at his side. As he walks offstage he looks one more time at the audience that may or may not be there. His eyes go from the pit, up to the balcony, and even across the ceiling. He takes this stage in one last strong time, shakes his head slow and walks out. No one claps. No one rises to their feet in grand gesture. The audience is only waiting for the main event. A few more moments of silence and the actor's head peaks one more time around that thick red curtain and he says loud enough for all to hear, "Have I made my exit then?!" And the audience bursts into applause.

tuesday

Here is a math trick so unbelievable that it will stump you. Personally I would like to know who came up with this and why that person is not running the country.

1. Grab a calculator. (You won't be able to do this one in your head)
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number(NOT the area code)
3. Multiply by 80.
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide by 2

Do you recognize the answer?

don't wake me i plan on sleeping in

"
again last night i had that strange dream
where everything was exactly how it seemed
with concerns about the world getting warmer
people thought they were just being rewarded
from treating others as they'd like to be treated
obeying stop signs and curing diseases
from mailing letters with the address of the sender
now we can swim any day in november

don't wake me i plan on sleeping in...

"

elevators

I have an intense fear of riding alone in elevators. I can't even really explain it. Perhaps I take comfort in the fact that if, for any odd reason, the elevator got stuck for a long period of time, I'd have something to snack on to keep myself alive if necessary. Although it is highly unlikely that I'll ever have to resort to cannabilism as a means to stay alive, or that an elevator would be stuck long enough for that to become an option, I can't help feeling just the slightest bit safer when somebody else steps on the elevator with me.I have a bunch of weird phobias associated with riding elevators...

1. Fear of riding on an elevator with a pregnant woman:
She doesn't even have to be 9 months pregnant. I don't care how small her tummy is. If she looks even slightly pregnant, I wait for the next elevator or take the stairs. I like to avoid emergency situations whenever possible. The last one I was in involved a woman collapsing in a busy store. My mother turned around to say, "You know CPR, don't you?" loud enough for the whole store to hear. As everyone turns to stare at me with a look of relief on their faces as they think I can somehow help this woman, I can't remember the first thing I learned in class about CPR. Thankfully, some other guy knew what he was doing and I was spared.

2. Fear of riding on an elevator with too many people:
When placed in this situation, I do two things.1. I look to the plaque that is put in every elevator which states the weight limit for that particular elevator.2. I mentally calculate and add the weight of each person in the elevator.If I think we're even close to being too heavy, I get off the first chance I get to take the stairs.

3. Fear of getting my head chopped off in the door:
If any of you have seen the part of Final Destination 2 where the lady's head gets caught in the elevator door,the elevator keeps going up, and her head is removed from her body. Whether you've seen it or not, all I can say is that I don't want to end up like her.

And why does any of this matter? I'm planning to take the lift/elevator to the top of the Eiffel Tower someday, and it's a long way up. Wish me luck.

a simple solution

I think we can do it.

Lets all shut up for just one day. Even for just five minutes. All at the same time, well sit in silence. No one cheating. Everyone in the wide world will sit and look at each other or into the air. Stop running mouths, no rolling eyes. No touching with palms or fists, fingers or lips, just empty space. Feeling the cold, the heat, the grass, the rocks, the sweat and the rain the same. And when were done with our quiet day, we can all go to sleep at the same time too. Across the planet, well all sleep together. Some at three in the morning, some at noon. Theres innocence in sleep. Adults look like children. No flesh, no villains. No one left awake. So while we sleep, let the planet take care of itself. Repair itself, as we stare behind our slumber. Well all wake up refreshed and renewed without a loud alarm. Realize the world goes on indeed.

my favorite comedian

Mitch Hedberg

a theory...

So, a few months ago, I cleaned out my bookmarks and removed all the news sites I used to read. Reading the news all the time was really cutting into my feeling-good-about-humanity reserves, what with constant bad news about crappy people all the freaking time. Also, I was pretty tired about reading news blogs that would go into panics every single day about every single news item, like collectively hyperventilating would really do anything about the situation in the Middle East (or anywhere else for that matter.) So, no more internet news for me, I like to keep my crippling anxiety to a minimum.
Now when I am on the internet, I look at gossip blogs instead of news sites. I don't even watch TV or movies that often, or listen to pop music or any of that stuff, but I still read them. Where as before, my brain was teeming with images of tortured Iraqi prisoners and suffering children, I have now replaced about 60% of those images with ones of Fergie peeing her pants. I feel a lot better, it has worked out better than that one time I was on Zoloft.
The big thing on a lot of these sites is Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' baby. Everyone is very mad that they can't look at it. Very very mad. Some people are talking like maybe there is something wrong with it, or maybe it ran away already or something. I came up with my own theory.
I don't' think the baby ever existed at all. I don't think the baby ever existed because I think Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are the same person.



Now look at this:



Uh-huh. Just think about it... You never see them in the same place, do you?

my favorite existential detective

he's everywhere.



"you'll spy...
-yes.
on me...
-yes.
will you be spying on me in the bathroom?
-yes.
in the bathroom?
-yes.
why?
-there's nothing too small....we might see you floss, or masturbate. that could be the key to your reality.
so i'm hiring you to spy on me...."

"have you ever transcended space and time?
-yes. no. uh, time not space. no, I don't know what you are talking about."

day 75...

this book really is changing my life!

excerpt: "today every Book reader is to reserve a table at Gino's for eight o'clock on the 4th of July of next year.

there you have it. today i called Gino's. they rudly told me to not call and make silly requests. >ha<
to everyone reading this....Gino could use a call: (225) 927-7156
reserve a table....maybe you can have one next to mine.....

some say dweeb...I say deep...

inspired: "Romance on a daily basis doesn't happen, it can't. But in those few great moments it does happen, and it makes all the other regular routine days easier to bare just to remember them. It reminds us why we bother to pick ourselves up again after we've fallen, to fall in love again after our hearts have been broken."

Now if I could only just remind myself that this is true, I'll be all set. I believe that we are all searching for our missing half. I don't know if this means soul mates, I'm not sure they exist. I believe there is only one right person for you. All I do know is that there are people who fit you better than others, those that complete you. I want to find that person, I want to know them. I want a real man who knows what he wants, knows what he wants to do with his life, is actually going somewhere, and knows that he wants to be with me. I need someone who will stand by me. If you see me and I don't talk much it's not because I'm not interested, usually quite the opposite, I'm probably really nervous.

"Fall in love or fall in hate. Get inspired or be depressed. Ace a test or flunk a class. Make babies or make art. Speak the truth or lie and cheat. Dance on tables or sit in the corner. Life is divine chaos. Embrace it. Forgive yourself. Breathe. And enjoy the ride."

with God as my metronome....

what is it about a drum beat?
every time that sound hits me it's like a call to action.
everyone knows that drummers are the back bone to a band.
with every beat, the drummer keeps the tempo and sets the tone...much like a metronome.
i played a song over and over about 46 times today. it starts off with a slow sweet acoustic guitar, but when that drum beat begins, something in me flips upside down.
i used to wonder why snare drums led the troops into battle......
it was revealed to me today when i didn't want to be hearing from God.
i was upset, grumpy, and stewing in my own self-pity.
bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum
like a heart beat. steady. never off cue.
God is reminding me that he is my metronome.
bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum
he never rests.
the drum sparks passion in me.
there's something about a drum......


oh God, God, God. please don't stop leading me and keeping me in time. i can't do this alone....i can't, i just can't. i need you. please....

tee hee

Four-hundred and seventy one days later.....

As Diana would say....."myspace has sucked out my soul".

I haven't blogged in over a year, 471 days to be exact. I'm going through some "things" and I'm super excited to get back into the blog I loved once upon a time......

Today I cleaned house a bit here. I decided (God forbid...) to delete some posts on this blog. I realize that by doing so, I may be committing some mortal sin against the blogging world.... erasing some of my past and all.....but it was absolutely necessary.

So here I am. A new day. A revamped Blog. "In Jami's Head" returns......truly is "upbeats and beatdowns"

CD in my player: Daft Punk "Discovery"