tattoos

when it comes to tattoos, here is my advice:

1. Don't try to get a cheap tattoo. Cheap tattoos look terrible.

2. Don't get some little tattoo in the middle of a vast expanse of flesh. It will look a lot better now and later on if you get something bigger. Your alien head smoking a doobie will still look like an alien head smoking a doobie, instead of like a multicolored pork chop.

3. Don't get a tattoo of some band logo or some current fad. Trust me on this one. Seriously, dude. Alkaline Trio is NOT AWESOME, and definitely NOT AWESOME ENOUGH to advertise for the rest of your life, and SUPER NOT AWESOME ENOUGH to get that same tattoo that all the kids are seeming to get these days. You will not like it in three years. (And, no I NOT have an Alkaline Trio tattoo, I am just using that as an example, since I have seen 14,000 of them.)

4. Don't get a tattoo if you don't have the powers of self-knowledge to know what kind of stuff YOU like. Get something unique that showcases things you like to think about or people or things that mean something to you. It's cool if you like the Revend Horton Heat or whatever, but do you really feel strongly about cranked-out swallows and cherry bomb flaming dice thing? It can't be that profound, otherwise everyone else who has that tattoo would have already been inspired to start their own political party, and their presidential candidate would have been some naked lady in a martini glass with stars for nipples.

5. Don't take Advil or anything before you go... Apparently it will make things sloppier (ie. plasma-drippier) when you are getting the work done. Also, I hear that topical numbing creams are basically the worst idea ever, cause they don't last that long. Your chosen area will start to hurt in the middle of the tattoo, all at once. That would blow pretty hard, it is better to at least get used to the feeling of it and let it build up.

6. Don't get tattooed by a guy if you think he's a jerk. You are gonna have to be sitting with him for awhile, nobody likes hanging out with jerks.

7. Try not to pick it, and put a lot of lotion on it all the time after the scabs all fall off. I like using Gold Bond Ultimate Healing Lotion after my scabs fall off.

thank you and good night.