Day Twenty-Four

Barter Day. Bartering provides fun for all the family, bypasses the taxman, and is a useful skill to acquire in the event civilization should suddenly revert to the Stone Age.

Barter: When asked for the $4.08 for my grande soy chai, I offered a shoeshine to the cashier in exchange for the drink.
Result: A blank stare, followed by the repetition of the request, "$4.08 please."

Barter: When pulled over for speeding, I offered the officer three citizen's arrests in exchange for a free pass on the traffic violation.
Result: "Don't play around with me." and a verbal warning about my speed.

Barter: When passing a man on a bench reading a copy of The Denver Post, I offered an expired Pizza Hut coupon in exchange for all of the odd numbered pages in the paper.
Result: He kept reading.

Day Twenty-Three

Plastic Fantastic!!! How do you know you look as good as you could? Today make a no-obligation appointment with a plastic surgeon and see what he recommends.

I decided that I would not participate today because I do not believe in plastic surgery.

This is a matter of principle.

Day Twenty-Two

Today agree to meet someone in 10 years' time. Fill in this coupon (below) and hand it to a stranger or someone you hardly know.

Day Twenty-One

Patriotism Day! It is the duty of every citizen to be patriotic. A country is one's soil, one's blood, one's tears, one's roots. Here is a list of countries along with their strong points, so you can choose which one to feel patriotic about today (France, United Kingdom, China, Russia, Nigeria, Moldova)

United Kingdom
Language: English
Anthem: "God Save The Queen"
Military Record: Good, although the English Channel has undoubtedly helped.
Patriotic Potential: Wide choice of tones, from Churchhill to football hooliganism.

Other Fun Facts:
1. Until the first Divorce Court was established in 1857, it was common practice for men to trade their unwanted spouses like any other possession.
2. The British ship Carpathia was the first ship to sail to the aid of the 'unsinkable' Titanic.
3. Sir Francis Drake once claimed California for Queen Elizabeth I of England in 1579.
4. The success of public lavatories used at the Great Exhibition, held at Hyde Park in 1851, led to the widespread installation of public toilets in London.
5. The Bank of England is also known as 'The Old Lady of Threadneedle Street'.

Day Twenty

Today everyone is to send in a line to create the world's longest poem. They will be collated as they are collected (via email, listed in the book) and the result published across the whole world as soon as a suitable final line is deemed to have been found and we think of a good title. The opening line is: "Mercy, cried the popinjay to the pope." Use iambic pentameter.

"oh how perfect is the morning daylight?"

Day Nineteen

Pretend to be a secret agent. No one can know. This Book was a pretext to get in touch with you. Your government needs you. Don't look up now, they are watching. Meet at 13:00 today outside work. Wave at the gray car. It will pick you up and take you to the secret redenzvous. Good luck. P.S. Tear this page out and swallow it.

I should preface the following by stating that if you read this post you will be killed...
I started the day by listening to "Secret Agent Man" by Johnny Rivers to get in the mood. I also donned a mask, but I couldn't find a wig. At 13:00 hours, I went outside to wave to the gray car. They waved pleasantly, but did not stop. A second gray car passed several minutes later. Again, a friendly return wave, but they did not come back for me. I went out into the middle of the street, to force the issue. When I saw the next gray car approaching, I jumped out in front of it. It came screeching to a halt, and I waved. This driver was not as friendly as the previous two. Then, a police car came onto the scene. Knowing that the lowly local cops are not often included in "Federal Business" I knew I needed to escape. I darted off the road and barrel rolled into some shrubbery. Unfortunately, I landed on my keys. That really hurts.

Day Eighteen

Kill Something Day. So-called Western Civilization suppresses our legitimate aggressive impulses. Cast off the chains of narrow morality and stamp out the sad life of a member of some inferior species today: an ant or perhaps a gnat of some kind. Indulge your dark urges before they overwhelm you. After all, as top Russian anarchist Mikhail Bakunin declared: the passion for destruction is also a creative passion...

-I stepped on and PURPOSEFULLY killed a weak, small spider today.

-I felt big and mighty.

-Now...I can't hold back from taking over countries.

Day Seventeen

Eat nothing but asparagus today to ascertain just how noxious your pee can get

I have to admit, I do like asparagus...but (WARNING...TOO MUCH INFORMATION APPROACHING...) my pee is not affected by asparagus in the slightest, so I decided to not participate in today's task.

I truly believe that my life will be not change do to my lack of participation. (Or change for that matter...)

Day Sixteen

Discreetly give the finger to people all day today

Totals:
12 discreet fingers given*
2 blatantly clear fingers given
0 repercussions


*If you are reading this, I am discreetly giving you the finger right now...

Day Fifteen

Be gay for a day! As James Dean said, why go through life with one hand tied behind your back?

Day Fourteen

A day of compliments. Flatter someone today and see if it does indeed get you anywhere.

"Gee, that sure is a splendid mustache comb."

"Your dress makes me want to puke...in a good way!"

"You certainly are as sweet as something that is tremendously sweet."

Day Thirteen

Send a letter to a mass murderer

Charles Manson
California State Prison
B - 33920, 4AR-23
PO Box 3479
Corcora, CA 93212, USA


I was actually a bit afraid to send this letter...but I did it anyways.
I'm not sure why I had such a fear. In the end it was liberating.
I hope it really made it there. I asked what he will ask for on his last meal for his last request. I hope it got him thinking about the end.

Day Twelve

Day 12: What's your type? Tick it here today as a reminder at drunken parties; beefcake, mr. nice guy, loaded, married with kids, sleazeball, handsome prince.

Well, consider what I have. I'd like to think I've scored "my type".
Nick: Mr. Nice Guy + Handsome Prince = man of my dreams
:)

Day Eleven

Today, introduce yourself to someone you know but never speak to.

The transcript of this conversation between me and a woman from the office next door, as it occured in the copy room in the afternoon.

Me: Hello, I'm Jami.
Her: Hi.
Me: Making copies, huh?
Her: Yes.
Me: How's that working out for you?
Her: What?
Me: The copies.
Her: What about it?
Me: It never stops.
Her: What?
Me: Work. What if it did?
Her: Well, I suppose that would be pretty bad...(starting to back away)
Me: As bad as madcow?
Her: What are you talking about?
Me: Work. Madcow disease.
Her: Okay, I'm going to leave.
Me: But you didn't answer my question.
Her: What was that?
Me: How's that working out for you?
Her: What!?
Me: The copies.
Her: Fine. (Turns and walks away)
Me: Glad to hear it.

Day Ten

Meet Jonas Day! This is Jonas Jansson, a courageous fellow who has agreed to follow The Book's injunctions to the letter. In this, his first week, he has already been arrested once and lost his girlfriend. Go Jonas!

Day 10 is just a ploy to draw visitors to the Benrik website, which I am not going to link because (a) I was disappointed by this day's task, and (b) I am lazy.

Day Nine

Do something before breakfast today.

I am not a morning person. I have no problem getting up on time, but I require certain specific arrangements and a strict routine each morning to avoid aggravation. I require the near complete absence of light. I need just enough to turn on the television. That's why I love fall and winter; the sun doesn't rise until I am leaving the house. Anyway, I was not feeling terrifically creative this morning, and today is a Saturday...so I decided to find out what's on TV at this hour. (which mind you is noon....and yes, I have breakfast at noon on Saturdays)

I flipped to TBS. It was the Saved by the Bell where Zack sets it up so Slater gets caught joyriding in the driver's ed. car but Kelly is implicated and Zack has to take the blame or else driver's ed. will be cancelled by Belding and he fears Kelly will leave him for Slater because he has to take an F and retake the class next year but she is touched by his martyrdom and stays by his side.
Oh how I loooooooved Saved By the Bell in the 90's.
How could you not love this face:


Anyways, I reminisced for a while then got on with my day of lounging...

Day Eight

Addiction free day. Your body is your temple. Cut out addictive substances for the day and see how much purer you feel.

I will admit, in my "born to be mild" weekday existence, my body is already pretty pure, sustancewise. I don't smoke, and I don't drink coffee an it wasn't hard to avoid alcohol at work. I normally spend my weekend ingesting mass quantities of red bull and add a few beers here or there, so I use the first few days of the week to "purge toxins" in a very pseudo-zen manner that basically involves a lot of fiber and cleanses.

With that being said...I abstained from the few "addictions" I do have (caffine, chocolate, red bull, bad reality shows), and I don't feel like a better person.

Oh well....

Day Seven

I choose not to participate today...just won't.

Day Six

Today write the opening sentence to your debut novel.

"I woke up one day thinking who I am meant to be is greater than who I think I'd like to be."

Day Five

Mass social experiment. Cut out and stick this sign:


on any item of public infrastructure you might encounter today, including but not limited to: elevators, garbage trucks, cranes, phone booths, toilets, ventilation units, escalators, entrances to subway stations. The aim is to achieve comprehensive social breakdown across the US.

I placed this sign on three different places:
1) My computer at work...NO MORE WORKING!!! (a-ha-ha!)


2) Blue...a fellow employee at work...NO MORE WORKING FOR BLUE!!!


and finally, 3) the toilet in the women's bathroom...NO MORE WOMEN IN THERE!


Social breakdown...look out...

Day Four

Today's task asks me to color in a map of the world based on where I have or would like to visit.
Green = Been there, done that.
Blue = Intend to go there this year.
Yellow = Intend to go there before I die.
Red = Happy never to set foot there in my whole life.


Green: US of A, Canada, Mexico, Puerto Rico, England, Ireland, Senegal, South Africa.

Blue: Sadly, no countries make this list, unless you count the US. I would like to say that I will be going to China or Romania next year, but I just don't think I can swing it...not yet

Yellow: Germany (because of my heritage), Scotland, France, Italy, Greece, Portugal, Spain, Romania, Switzerland...Actually, you might as well include all of Europe, but the aforementioned places are the only essential ones. China, Japan, Thailand, Australia, New Zealand, India, Czech Republic, Israel, Moracco, Egypt, Kenya, Congo, Russia, Brazil, Chile. Definitely Cuba, and I might as well throw in some other Caribbean island. You go ahead and pick one, they all seem the same to me.

Red: This list isn't very long. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE TRAVELING, so there aren't many place I don't want to see. However, I will definitely never see: anywhere in the Middle East (with the exception of Egypt, Isreal and Dubai) or the middle of Asia (ie Mongolia, etc).

Day Three

"Throw away something you like."

This wasn't too bad...ever since moving around so much all over the US, I have learned to throw things away if they aren't continually used for months at a time.

When it came right down to it, I managed to rid myself of some old photographs. This part was hard for me...because I am very sentimental and keep EVERY picture, no matter what or who I was involved with. So I did it. I purged and threw out every picture of a certain 2.5 years of my life...every physical photo and even the digital ones on my laptop. I want to leave that piece of my past where it belongs, in the past.

This is my new life...and I don't plan on looking back.

Day Two

"Gaze at everyone wondering whether they might be the one true love of your life, the one destined for you and you alone, and whether you might be passing them by forever...Act in consequence."

I spent the better part of my day at a trade-show for work (ick) or napping on my couch...the following resulted from the limited glance-exchanging I managed to fit into my schedule ...

*The nice boy working the Starbucks drive through: Asks, "where you off to so early?" (i had to leave for the trade show at 6 am...ick)

*The disgruntled middle-aged man who works for a random client of mine: Quickly glanced away with an uncomfortable look.

*My boss: Asked me "is that what you are wearing today?"

*The cheesy attorney at the trade show: Winked.

*Nick: always looks amazing, and yes...I contimplated love at that moment...the forever kind, and yes. He is my one true love.

To Be Continued...tomorrow...

Day One

As this was the first day, the authors suggested I "warm up with an easy task that will only change your life a little bit." I found several suggestions, along with the idea that if I wanted to really dive in headfirst I should turn to a random page and do what it says. In the interest of keeping each of the 365 days of this program original but not easing too slowly into my new life, I accomplished several of the tasks on this list. The tasks I completed, in no particular order...

-Do one press-up: I am assuming this means push-up. Done.
-Jaywalk in a pedestrian zone: Color me bad, as in badass!
-Whisper a white lie when no one's listening: Hint-it rhymes with stethoscope.
-Fantasize about your partner: Oh yeah...
-Say "Yo" instead of "hello": I do this regularly anyway, to keep people on their toes.
-Bookmark a new website: Here it is.
-Go on a one minute hunger strike: I went on strike to protest the lack of snack packs in my office. Lame.
-Choose which of your toes is the prettiest: Left foot, fourth toe.

See you tomorrow...

This Blog Will Change Your Life

A few years ago I had something traumatic happen to me and a friend gave me this book.


I tried to go through this book at the time, but ended up failing.
I recently stumbled upon this book again while going through boxes from my past that were lost in storage.

I have decided to try again.

Boasting to be "part instruction manual, part therapy, part cult, part sheer anarchy" this book offers 365 days worth of instructions for hysterical living. It just so happens my life can use a little hysteria. What will follow starting today, Friday November 7, 2008, will be a record of my daily attempts to base my life on this book. We'll see what happens...

***

In preparation to begin my journey, there are a few things to mention:

-in the front cover of this book, there is a note. it reads: "Jami- Here's to the first day of your second life. See you in Paris. I love you."

-I am so excited!