elevators

I have an intense fear of riding alone in elevators. I can't even really explain it. Perhaps I take comfort in the fact that if, for any odd reason, the elevator got stuck for a long period of time, I'd have something to snack on to keep myself alive if necessary. Although it is highly unlikely that I'll ever have to resort to cannabilism as a means to stay alive, or that an elevator would be stuck long enough for that to become an option, I can't help feeling just the slightest bit safer when somebody else steps on the elevator with me.I have a bunch of weird phobias associated with riding elevators...

1. Fear of riding on an elevator with a pregnant woman:
She doesn't even have to be 9 months pregnant. I don't care how small her tummy is. If she looks even slightly pregnant, I wait for the next elevator or take the stairs. I like to avoid emergency situations whenever possible. The last one I was in involved a woman collapsing in a busy store. My mother turned around to say, "You know CPR, don't you?" loud enough for the whole store to hear. As everyone turns to stare at me with a look of relief on their faces as they think I can somehow help this woman, I can't remember the first thing I learned in class about CPR. Thankfully, some other guy knew what he was doing and I was spared.

2. Fear of riding on an elevator with too many people:
When placed in this situation, I do two things.1. I look to the plaque that is put in every elevator which states the weight limit for that particular elevator.2. I mentally calculate and add the weight of each person in the elevator.If I think we're even close to being too heavy, I get off the first chance I get to take the stairs.

3. Fear of getting my head chopped off in the door:
If any of you have seen the part of Final Destination 2 where the lady's head gets caught in the elevator door,the elevator keeps going up, and her head is removed from her body. Whether you've seen it or not, all I can say is that I don't want to end up like her.

And why does any of this matter? I'm planning to take the lift/elevator to the top of the Eiffel Tower someday, and it's a long way up. Wish me luck.

a simple solution

I think we can do it.

Lets all shut up for just one day. Even for just five minutes. All at the same time, well sit in silence. No one cheating. Everyone in the wide world will sit and look at each other or into the air. Stop running mouths, no rolling eyes. No touching with palms or fists, fingers or lips, just empty space. Feeling the cold, the heat, the grass, the rocks, the sweat and the rain the same. And when were done with our quiet day, we can all go to sleep at the same time too. Across the planet, well all sleep together. Some at three in the morning, some at noon. Theres innocence in sleep. Adults look like children. No flesh, no villains. No one left awake. So while we sleep, let the planet take care of itself. Repair itself, as we stare behind our slumber. Well all wake up refreshed and renewed without a loud alarm. Realize the world goes on indeed.

my favorite comedian

Mitch Hedberg

a theory...

So, a few months ago, I cleaned out my bookmarks and removed all the news sites I used to read. Reading the news all the time was really cutting into my feeling-good-about-humanity reserves, what with constant bad news about crappy people all the freaking time. Also, I was pretty tired about reading news blogs that would go into panics every single day about every single news item, like collectively hyperventilating would really do anything about the situation in the Middle East (or anywhere else for that matter.) So, no more internet news for me, I like to keep my crippling anxiety to a minimum.
Now when I am on the internet, I look at gossip blogs instead of news sites. I don't even watch TV or movies that often, or listen to pop music or any of that stuff, but I still read them. Where as before, my brain was teeming with images of tortured Iraqi prisoners and suffering children, I have now replaced about 60% of those images with ones of Fergie peeing her pants. I feel a lot better, it has worked out better than that one time I was on Zoloft.
The big thing on a lot of these sites is Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' baby. Everyone is very mad that they can't look at it. Very very mad. Some people are talking like maybe there is something wrong with it, or maybe it ran away already or something. I came up with my own theory.
I don't' think the baby ever existed at all. I don't think the baby ever existed because I think Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are the same person.



Now look at this:



Uh-huh. Just think about it... You never see them in the same place, do you?

my favorite existential detective

he's everywhere.



"you'll spy...
-yes.
on me...
-yes.
will you be spying on me in the bathroom?
-yes.
in the bathroom?
-yes.
why?
-there's nothing too small....we might see you floss, or masturbate. that could be the key to your reality.
so i'm hiring you to spy on me...."

"have you ever transcended space and time?
-yes. no. uh, time not space. no, I don't know what you are talking about."

day 75...

this book really is changing my life!

excerpt: "today every Book reader is to reserve a table at Gino's for eight o'clock on the 4th of July of next year.

there you have it. today i called Gino's. they rudly told me to not call and make silly requests. >ha<
to everyone reading this....Gino could use a call: (225) 927-7156
reserve a table....maybe you can have one next to mine.....

some say dweeb...I say deep...

inspired: "Romance on a daily basis doesn't happen, it can't. But in those few great moments it does happen, and it makes all the other regular routine days easier to bare just to remember them. It reminds us why we bother to pick ourselves up again after we've fallen, to fall in love again after our hearts have been broken."

Now if I could only just remind myself that this is true, I'll be all set. I believe that we are all searching for our missing half. I don't know if this means soul mates, I'm not sure they exist. I believe there is only one right person for you. All I do know is that there are people who fit you better than others, those that complete you. I want to find that person, I want to know them. I want a real man who knows what he wants, knows what he wants to do with his life, is actually going somewhere, and knows that he wants to be with me. I need someone who will stand by me. If you see me and I don't talk much it's not because I'm not interested, usually quite the opposite, I'm probably really nervous.

"Fall in love or fall in hate. Get inspired or be depressed. Ace a test or flunk a class. Make babies or make art. Speak the truth or lie and cheat. Dance on tables or sit in the corner. Life is divine chaos. Embrace it. Forgive yourself. Breathe. And enjoy the ride."

with God as my metronome....

what is it about a drum beat?
every time that sound hits me it's like a call to action.
everyone knows that drummers are the back bone to a band.
with every beat, the drummer keeps the tempo and sets the tone...much like a metronome.
i played a song over and over about 46 times today. it starts off with a slow sweet acoustic guitar, but when that drum beat begins, something in me flips upside down.
i used to wonder why snare drums led the troops into battle......
it was revealed to me today when i didn't want to be hearing from God.
i was upset, grumpy, and stewing in my own self-pity.
bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum
like a heart beat. steady. never off cue.
God is reminding me that he is my metronome.
bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum
he never rests.
the drum sparks passion in me.
there's something about a drum......


oh God, God, God. please don't stop leading me and keeping me in time. i can't do this alone....i can't, i just can't. i need you. please....

tee hee

Four-hundred and seventy one days later.....

As Diana would say....."myspace has sucked out my soul".

I haven't blogged in over a year, 471 days to be exact. I'm going through some "things" and I'm super excited to get back into the blog I loved once upon a time......

Today I cleaned house a bit here. I decided (God forbid...) to delete some posts on this blog. I realize that by doing so, I may be committing some mortal sin against the blogging world.... erasing some of my past and all.....but it was absolutely necessary.

So here I am. A new day. A revamped Blog. "In Jami's Head" returns......truly is "upbeats and beatdowns"

CD in my player: Daft Punk "Discovery"