"There is so much evidence for Christianity that it actually takes more faith to be an atheist than to be a Christian."
I have heard many variations on this sentence during the past few years of my life. Usually, I resonate with the idea that Christianity and reason are compatible. Still, there have been many days throughout my life when agnosticism or atheism seem to be more plausible, more reasonable, and easier to deal with than my own faith. April 20, 1999... check. September 11, 2001... check.There are many other dates I can't remember, when tragedies occured, and I have asked God the same questions I asked him when people died at Columbine and when the day of terror hit. Why didn't you stop the person or people who caused the event? Are you even there?
Sometimes, I think it does take more faith to believe in a good and loving God than it takes to be an atheist. This world, for all its beauty, is a wretched rock indeed, thanks to its human inhabitants. I took a marine life class for my science requirement in college, during which I greatly preferred watching the "Blue Planet" videos to taking notes about kelp v. seaweed. When I wasn't stealing a nap in the darkened room, I lost myself in underwater worlds, where death exists, but without adultery, hatred, cowardice, racism, molestation, selfishness, or any other evil. I remember watching these videos, and getting frustrated afterward because everything the class had just seen was attributed to time, chance, natural selection. However, I see why people find it easier to believe that the ocean is not a masterpiece of a divine artist. Because if it is, then humanity must be a design of that artist as well.
Sometimes I don't even want to deal with people. Although I would be horrible at it, I can see the appeal of studying the ocean for a lifetime, because it's a much more peaceful profession than diplomacy, politics, psychology, or even working retail. Fish smell bad, but the little ones are nice and the big ones won't kill you, except impartially; humans can be pretty nasty, showered or not. The Psalms say that humans are just a little bit less glorious than the angels, but I have yet to meet a human who was anywhere CLOSE to being as helpful as that Roma Downey chick. (I only watched that show three times, by the way.)
I don't know how God can stand the violence we show toward one another, whether with our words, or with our weapons. I don't know why he doesn't strike us dead with more frequency. I don't know why he doesn't talk from the sky and scare us. If he made us in his image, why then is he so silent? Why is he so intent on us pursuing him? Why does he pour himself out into the depths of the sea, but seem to turn away from our darkest days? I have experienced answered prayer, and I have heard of miracles, but my soul is often dissatisfied with what I have seen of God.
Believing in God takes a lot of faith some days, not just that He exists, but that He really will transform all of these messes we've made of ourselves into beings He can stand to be around forever. I can see His goodness and creative power in the vibrancy of a coral reef, or in the shocking size of a mountain range, or... well, in most things outside of big cities. The city of God - how will that work? Christ died to redeem us and make us ready for a new Jerusalem, and while I want him to return, I don't understand how I myself will be acceptable enough to enter through the gates. With all my doubts, I am trying to hold to a framework of grace to explain this world - that there is a good God, and he is slowly, effectively redeeming those who ask him to from their misery, withstanding the pain it causes him.
Otherwise, I can't thank anyone for the ocean.
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