don't give away the end

7-8 months ago I looked at my age on myspace (haha, make fun of me, its fine)...and I thought, "hmm. 23. I'm really not that old. I'm actually really really young. I'm young! weird! yeah!!" (pump fist in the air as if its some accomplishment)
It actually hit me for the first time...all the assumptions of what a 23 year old/young adult is suppose to be doing (or have done) flew out the window.

You know, the typical list:
1)graduate from high school
2) graduate from college
3) get a job
4) get a boyfriend/girlfriend
5) that b/f or g/f turns into a fiance
6) get married
7) buy a house
8) have kids.....

I think those are basics that society gererally puts on us young folks....especially Christian young folks...got all those young marriages... (did i just use the word "Folks"?). Now I'm not saying that I DON'T want that stuff...I mean I have #'s 1 & 3 done....#2 is in process and....err....#4 is a little vague along with everything else below it, I'm just thinking...

I don't want a normal check list.

I don't think that what society tells us what's suppose to make you or me content is any guarentee for fullfillment (and thats ususally what people look for or bank on). Call me restless (because maybe I am)...but I want stability within movement. I want to be so close to Christ that wherever I go I see Him- and travel to another country and maybe paint in France for a year (partly because I want to learn French and be able to sing in French when i sing my first kid to sleep), or work on some HUGE sailing ship for a summer, and get my masters in another state and have dinner conversations with buddists and taoists from my classes, and blare Bob Dylan from my bakery and talk with people and artists as they walk in, backpack through Europe with my future husband (I will show him the window where Michelangelo lived...) while doing ministry in the most unexpected way possible....

What is neccessary for us to BE (not feel) content?...and does it resemble a check-list?
And, maybe that check-list is just formatted for how you or I are wired....or......do we "settle"?


So this Jimmy Eat World song...one part goes:
"You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Dont give away the end
The one thing that stays mine"

This makes me think of God...and that if I do "sit" forever and just "wait"...nothing will happen. (true) I guess I was driving down the freeway watching the orange lights flicker past thinking, ok, whats holding me back? And, the "Don't give away the end, the one thing that stays mine"...I don't want God to give the end away to me. I don't want to know. And, I have NO CLUE...but even more...I don't want to just "settle".
I think I've always been like that, trying not to "settle"...but at the same time, I've done worse. Sometimes (and lets say with my art and creativity) its not a matter of settling...but not doing anything at all.

I was just thinking.....

....and thinking that my list is nothing what I could assume.