the "I can" complex

I have a little confession.

I am horrible about letting people help me.
I like it when people help me...I've gotten better/more comfortable with it...but i have this horrible habit of thinking, "I can do it ALL by myself"

Back in the day of Masters, they would send volunteers to me to help with the arts/responsive worship/prayer space, etc..which these volunteers would eventually know that I'd "get in the zone" and wouldn't be a very good deligator. Or I wanted it done "just so".
I always ended up deligating them to OTHER people.
I know. Horrible.


I'm not sure where this "I can do it all by myself" thing comes from. Is it a youngest child thing?(tring to be as big as everyone else?)...a fear of inconveniencing other people?...a sense of control?...hummm....

I'm learning to really put my hands up and let God move more, in addition to those around me. I think that it is a detriment at times to not have confidence in others and to always do it yourself because of fear that it won't turn out the way YOU want it to. I think constantly having this form of control sometimes keeps other people from growing, whether its in ministry or just daily life--and maybe causes a person to rely too much on their own human capabilities instead of letting God meddle (and let others meddle and help)...

Sometimes we also want to distinguish what we do, and how it is part of who we are. Sometimes we get uncomfortable with the possibility of losing that. We don't want someone else to have our job, because we're just so darn good at it.
Thats just silly.
This is something else I"m learning. As I prepare to leave in (average) two months...I'm having to face the fact that I will not be here, at home, to do what I have been doing for the past two years. I'm excited to move....actually...extremely excited...but I'm already worrying about who will take care of my mom, and if they will even be as good. Here comes in that sense of "I can do it all by myself".

Letting God move is hard. Trusting God is hard. And, sometimes realizing that I CAN'T do it all by myself is ok...