this is what 5 days hiding in KCMO looks like:

awesome finds at an antique mall!

james: wild aces catcher extraordinaire!!


gold/bronze/green pumps, SCORE!


Royals fan memorabilia to prove i'm "true blue"


seeing the first baseball team i ever knew at "kauff park"

(man i love my boys in #7!!!)
:)
p.s. - they won....i'd like to think I had something to do with it....

Happy 4th of July!

Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence?
Five signers were captured by the British as traitors, and tortured before they died.
Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned. Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army; another had two sons captured.
Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War.
They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor.

What kind of men were they?
Twenty-four were lawyers and jurists. Eleven were merchants, nine were farmers and large plantation owners; men of means, well educated.
But they signed the Declaration of Independence knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured.
Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts, and died in rags.
Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward.
Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer, Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton.
At the battle of Yorktown, Thomas Nelson Jr, noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt.
Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months.
John Hart was driven from his wife's bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in forests and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his children vanished. A few weeks later he died from exhaustion and a broken heart.
Norris and Livingston suffered similar fates.
Such were the stories and sacrifices of the American Revolution. These were not wild-eyed, rabble-rousing ruffians. They were soft-spoken men of means and education.
They had security, but they valued liberty more. Standing tall, straight, and unwavering, they pledged: "For the support of this declaration, with firm reliance on the protection of the divine providence, we mutually pledge to each other, our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor."
They gave you and me a free and independent America. The history books never told you a lot about what happened in the Revolutionary War.
We didn't fight just the British, we were British subjects at that time and we fought our own government!

Some of us take these liberties so much for granted, but we shouldn't.
So take a few minutes while enjoying your 4th of July holiday and silently thank these patriots. It's not much to ask for the price they paid.

What happened to men and human beings like this?!
Remember: Freedom is never free.

the "I can" complex

I have a little confession.

I am horrible about letting people help me.
I like it when people help me...I've gotten better/more comfortable with it...but i have this horrible habit of thinking, "I can do it ALL by myself"

Back in the day of Masters, they would send volunteers to me to help with the arts/responsive worship/prayer space, etc..which these volunteers would eventually know that I'd "get in the zone" and wouldn't be a very good deligator. Or I wanted it done "just so".
I always ended up deligating them to OTHER people.
I know. Horrible.


I'm not sure where this "I can do it all by myself" thing comes from. Is it a youngest child thing?(tring to be as big as everyone else?)...a fear of inconveniencing other people?...a sense of control?...hummm....

I'm learning to really put my hands up and let God move more, in addition to those around me. I think that it is a detriment at times to not have confidence in others and to always do it yourself because of fear that it won't turn out the way YOU want it to. I think constantly having this form of control sometimes keeps other people from growing, whether its in ministry or just daily life--and maybe causes a person to rely too much on their own human capabilities instead of letting God meddle (and let others meddle and help)...

Sometimes we also want to distinguish what we do, and how it is part of who we are. Sometimes we get uncomfortable with the possibility of losing that. We don't want someone else to have our job, because we're just so darn good at it.
Thats just silly.
This is something else I"m learning. As I prepare to leave in (average) two months...I'm having to face the fact that I will not be here, at home, to do what I have been doing for the past two years. I'm excited to move....actually...extremely excited...but I'm already worrying about who will take care of my mom, and if they will even be as good. Here comes in that sense of "I can do it all by myself".

Letting God move is hard. Trusting God is hard. And, sometimes realizing that I CAN'T do it all by myself is ok...

5 things...

5 things I dig about Jesus...

1. Totally Human
We hear a lot about Jesus being totally God, and I believe that. But what I love is that he became totally human, and a totally poor and marginalized one at that... meaning that he experienced the same kind of crap the most desperate sufferer goes through. He's a God who not only cares about our suffering, but He truly understands it.

2. Unconditional Love
Jesus loved everyone... even when he was chasing them out of the temple with a whip. He loved 'em so much that one of the last things he says on the cross is, "Father, forgive them!" Amazing.

3. Uncompromising Truth
Jesus said it plainly... it's hard for self-serving people to enter the kingdom of God. Narrow path, small gate, few are those who find it. His message was simple and clear, repent to be spiritually born again and follow me into my kingdom... the kingdom of God. A lot of people couldn't swallow his challenge. A lot still can't. And while his heart and ours breaks for them, the truth remains the absolute standard by which we are all judged. That's fierce; and I love it.

4. He Called Losers and Outcasts ... Like Me
While other rabbis were picking and choosing the best of the best who would apply to be their disciples, Jesus was choosing fishermen, tax-collectors, and other dropouts to be his. Those are the ones he used to change the world and still does. I have the memory of a hampster and the self-discipline of a wet noodle; and yet I get to join Jesus' band of disciples... his Talmidim. He believes in us losers and he redefines our self-understanding to embrace the glory he created and restored in us. Awesome.

5. He Died For Us
Seriously, how can you not love an innocent person who loves you so much that they give everything, including their own life, so save your butt? I honestly cannot understand how we can look at the cross and not love Jesus. Who else would go through all that for us?

Fashion Critic: "Don't Wear Your Crocs in Public"

George W. Bush was photographed recently in a pair of black Crocs – as he was heading out from the White House to ride his bike. He wore the clunky resin clogs -- which have ventilation holes and a heel strap --.He had the backstraps of his Crocs flipped forward so they rested on the top of the shoes -- turning them into slides.

----------------------------

Sure I love wearing mine while baking and occasionally will run in them to walmart for more sugar/eggs/flour (whatever)...But wear them while at home and in your garden, but please don't go out and about with them on! That's how I feel about this "most annoyingly omnipresent style of summer footwear." (quote from me)

i'll hold you close in the back of my mind

la cienega just smiled....

....just changed my world

St. Jude

Patron Saint of lost Causes.




Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.
-St. Francis of Assisi

this is what watching the Yankees looks like:

...and yes....that's josh's nose in the shot.

we got to see jeter...


...and damon :)

a different perspective

“This is an emergency - normal rules don’t apply. There are no easy good or bad guys. Do you think an African mother cares if the drugs keeping her child alive are thanks to an iPod or a church plate? Or a Democrat or a Republican? I don’t think that mother gives a damn about where that 20-cent pill comes from, so why should we. It can lead to some uncomfortable bedfellows, but sometimes less sleep means you are more awake.”
- Bono on Africa from the current issue of Vanity Fair

father's day

One night a father overheard his son pray:

"Dear God, Make me the kind of man my Daddy is."

Later that night, the Father prayed,

"Dear God, Make me the kind of man my son wants me to be."

complaining about the weather

CNN weather anchor and severe weather expert Chad Myers introduced his segment this morning with a look at the Baghdad forecast.

"Wanna complain about the weather?" he asked. "Take a look at this from Baghdad."

stop to smell the flowers...

Today is that kind of day.

IT'S BEAUTIFULLY PERFECT OUTSIDE!!!

every woman's dream.....

...a wedding at Wal-Mart.
BENTONVILLE, Ark. - Wedding on aisle 7.
Wal-Mart is giving seven lucky couples wedding packages worth more than five-thousand dollars, including rings, wedding cakes invitations and flowers and other related items.
The nuptials will take place in the lawn and garden sections of the couple's local Wal-Mart Supercenters. The couples are to tie the knot in ceremonies all on July Seventh.



Read more about this here.

walking

So, ususally its when the day has wrapped up, I sorta do a prayer walk thing- or zone out and listen to the ipod- or daydream- or try to unwrap some thoughts.


Well, on this day (a few days ago) for some reason I was faced with a question that re-surfaced after a conversation with a friend...and there was this word that was REALLY getting under my skin.
I thought,










????????????????????????????? "Do I have a submission complex?" ??????????????????????????????????










No really.



Do I?????

It took me a while to unravel my thoughts, and I will be honest with you and say that it took quite some debating.

I think that the word "submission" has been something that I've struggled with (a lot) in the past, even to the point that I saw it as a weakness.

I always thought that submissive ment passive...therefore passive not being pro-active...which would lead to laziness and a weak dependancy. I'm not sure if this part has to do with growing up the way I did, because I've never really had to be submissive (even in a role as a daughter)...so clearly...if you want something done, you've got to do it yourself.
This also meant that growing up as a young woman, the act of making a big life decisions were never dependant or trusted in a man- and the reason why I say this, is because that was my own life experience. If you are a young woman who learns that you can't generally depend on men, then, simply you don't.

You learn how to manage without. (and for years you will logically defend why.)

But, I'm not saying that this is the route I'm taking as a woman as i continue to grow...because...

Later in young adulthood, I developed some relationships (non-romantic) with a couple Godly men. Either friendships, a mentor, or someone I considered myself a disciple of. I found that these men opened my eyes a little bit as to what a REAL man looks like internally.
I'm not so much talking about Gender roles (as in if he knows how to work an automatic drill or something)- but as a man, what it means to be a GODLY man.

And, what would mean to trust and willingly follow one.

One thing I noticed about these Godly men, was that they were submissive towards God.
If they were faced with a delimma (or opportunity, or decision, or....), they went to God first, and maybe would get on their knees, patiently listen, or in their own way...seek counsel from God and others. A man getting on his knees and bowing actually (when we're speaking of spiritual posture) seems like a submissive position. I remember reading that "the custom of kneeling and bowing one's head in prayer is strengthened by the imagery of a person approaching a king to make a request. When doing this in prayer, the subject puts himself at the mercy of the King by exposing his neck, an act which shows his complete vulnerability to the Sovereign's power" (taken from Doug Pagitt)...

And so I was realizing that men I truly respect are truly after God's agenda, and not their own.

They are men who trust God, even when things are NOT making sense right at the moment.

They are men who are even willing to seek advice and counsel of an older (or maybe even younger) and wiser (or maybe more experienced) Godly man...even if it means being submissive to stop and listen, because they know they still have a lot to learn, and that they don't have all the answers.

They are men who seek out the wisdom of their wives, girlfriends, mothers and sisters.

And so, then the next element of this is TRUST.
A real man trusts God with his life.
simple yet complicated...i know. but its true. its hard, but its true.

One of my friends explained something, that if he were to have confidence and trust in a Godly person, knowing that the person he were to follow was truly on a solid walk with Christ, he would be willing to follow that person off a cliff.
I know that "walking off a cliff" may sound a little suicidal...and I'm more than positive that he didn't mean it in that sense...but that under any circumstance, he is genuinely willing to FOLLOW a person who is truely with wisdom, maturity, and walking with the Lord.

-----------------------------------------

I'm sure that Moses' wife thought he was insane at times...because that man did some pretty insane/awesome/Godly things. But, in the bible we don't see her telling him, "wait, no, you know what? this whole parting the Red Sea sounds pretty impossible...put that staff away..."

-----------------------------------------

And so this is where being a woman comes in.


-----------------------------------------

As I continued on my walk, I re-surfaced many conversations I've had about the word "submissive". I remember one of my christian friends tried to explain to me that submission is not a weakness. She was married, and did her best to explain, and I listened, but I still didn't get it then.
I've been to more weddings that I can count...and I've heard the whole "christ is the head of the church as a husband is the... (you know the rest.)

I still didn't get it.

I didn't want to.

I didn't want to be that little christian-passive-"wifey" type that I stereotyped and complied in the back of my own mind.

I even remember in past relationships, seeking freedom internally and independently, making sure that i could stay a free-spirited woman...and at times I still felt like a caged bird wanting to fly away. So thats when I called ALL the shots.
I didn't want to be lead.

I didn't have a problem with committment...but...I just really didn't want to be told what to do or to really trust in another person that fully...and in a way, I was like my own little wild banshee.

I now realize, that a mature relationship isn't a matter of confinement, but in that Christ HE the one who sets US free, encourages US to live freely in HIM...and that in a healthy relationship (like one with Christ) there is more freedom than imaginable.
That in a true Christ-driven dynamic relationship, there isn't this complex about submission.
That I can still be a free-spirited woman...and still be who Christ designed me to be, but that doesn't mean not submitting.
It really shouldn't be an issue.



And so I honestly realized something.






I WANT to be LEAD by a Godly man.






And that submission is actually a STRENGTH and confidence in TRUSTing a man who truely seeks, trusts, and follows Christ with his life...and thats why it was designed for a relationship (that we call marriage).

For some reason...it's taken me 23 years for this little lightbulb to go on...which makes me think...what else will long walks and good conversations with friends bring up?...

freedom

Yesterday it hit me how free I am.


I'm not sold to anyone.
No one has a price tag on me.
No one can pay for me, call me theirs, and then re-sell me if I become stubborn or play my music too loud or if a better priced property comes along...


I'm not bought or sold.

I am free in Christ...

Free of spiritual chains, free of social or economical binds...even free to express myself in any shape or form.
Yesterday I had the freedom to enjoy whatever music I wanted, whether it was a really obnoxious song by Bloc Party (oh bloc party. love it.), or something as calming as Madeleine Peyroux.
Yesterday, I was able to fix chicken. Thats right. No dietary restrictions for me.

Last week, a small group of us went to a local pub. Amidst the conversation of religion, politics, and good beer...I was thankful to sit among men and women (unlike some cultures where you can't mix sexes...in addition to consume something like beer at the same table)...and discuss concepts that would leave other people imprisoned in other countries (if openly expressed). We had freedom to laugh and to truly enjoy the time we all had together.
In connection to this...I think freedom brings about choices. I have the FREEDOM to choose to ignore the waiter/waitress at this pub...or I can choose to show him/her Christs love through my actions and words and look the person in the eye (unlike some people in this fast-paced life in this fast-paced city).
I can either sit here, and feel a bit lazy, or I can get up and call my grandpa, see how he's doing, and ask him about his top five books (and I will) and let him know that I'm thinking of him.
This freedom to live and take action is something that God has given us...

Even this second.

I think sometimes we forget about this freedom...and when we do, sometimes we sit and feel sorry for ourselves.
Sometimes we think, "I don't have enough money...I don't have enough direction...I don't have a spouse...I don't have enough FREEDOM to do the things I really want to do (the list goes on.)

God places A LOT of freedom in our lives. Because of this, this opens the doors for action and choices.

Strangely enough though, right now I'm learning a lot about God's Sovereignty. I'm doing some reading/studying about it...and, if I'm honest this leaves me to be a bit confused. I'm pretty sure this is a good thing, because if something confuses me, I pretty much don't leave it alone. And, I trust God with all His Sovereignty...but I'm searching for a way to connect this thing called Sovereignty with the fact that He has given us a FREEDOM to live in Him and make choices...

I'm wondering....what does this Freedom really look like...

wild honey pie!

she has been created:
-honey
-pecans
-sugar
-LOVE



xoxo
-jami

priorities

less time on my computer and more time for birds


less time on my computer and more time for home


less time on my computer and more time writing letters


less time on my computer and more time shrinking the gap


less time on my computer and more time calling friends


less time on my computer and more time asking for forgiveness


less time on my computer and more time praying



>thanks daley<

jami in lego-land

oh yes.

i really wanted an eye patch.....but then i thought "who would really buy a cake from a pirate baker?" so i decided to let that one go.

oh my goodness!!!

this is my next purchase:

"Put yourself in the frame for some great gum with our new gumball picture frame.

The picture frame bubblegum dispenser features an image of an antique gumball machine on the front of a silver colored frame. The background is a mirror effect which adds a third dimension to the "picture". Trapped between the layers is a space to fill with your favorite bubble gum balls!

Once mounted on a wall, it's easy and fun to use and dispenses gum balls with one turn of the knob!

Hang this frame in your home or office, and you'll be particularly popular letting friends or colleagues have a go."
Gadget.co.uk

holy holy crap! :)

sheeeeee's baaaaaack!

well, Paris (kicking and screaming) was sent back to jail today to serve the rest of her 45-day DUI sentence. According to MSN, Paris was a little less than thrilled while screaming "it's not right"!!!
The long arm of the law has embraced our dear friend Paris!

with karate i'll kick your ass.....

"Oh gracious God of heaven, anoint my hands so they are quick to block and anoint my feet so they are quick to kick. May I strike hard and fast, giving you glory for the victory I am to about to receive by defeating my opponent and kicking his ass. In your name I pray. Amen."

suggestions for your netflix queue

looking for something interesting, shocking or thought-provoking to watch? from "digg", i came across this exhaustive list of the most controversial films of all time.

there’s the usual suspects (Caligula, Salo: the 120 Days of Sodom, Cannibal Holocaust, I Spit on Your Grave, The Last House on the Left), the blockbusters (Birth of a Nation, Basic Instinct, The Exorcist, Fahrenheit 9/11), the masterpieces (Citizen Kane, A Clockwork Orange) and the foreign arthouse smut (I Am Curious (Yellow), In the Realm of the Senses, Last Tango in Paris, Romance).

my life is a john mayer album...

you know that part of your brain that hears a song and you are instantly swept away to a feeling or a memory? that happens to me more often than not when i listen to music. sometimes, i play a cd or a song just so i can have this very experience. when i'm feeling nostalgic or sappy, or sometimes when i want to cry....all it takes is hitting that "play" button.

i've recently realized that my life is a john mayer album.

there is something or someone to me in every song on "room for squares". more recently...my life has personified itself in "st. patricks day"....ironically my favorite john mayer song (even before my life took all these crazy turns)

it's only appropriate that i put the lyrics here now:

Here comes the cold
Break out the winter clothes
And find a love to call your own
You - enter you
Your cheeks a shade of pink
And the rest of you in powder blue

Who knows what will be
But I'll make you this guarantee

No way November
will see our goodbye
When it comes to December
it's obvious why
No one wants to be alone
at Christmas time

In the dark,
on the phone
You tell me the names
of your brothers
And your favorite colors
I'm learning you
And when it snows again
We'll take a walk outside
And search the sky
Like children do

No way November
will see our goodbye
When it comes to December
it's obvious why
No one wants to be alone
at Christmas time
And come January
we're frozen inside
Making new resolutions
a hundred times
February,
won't you be my valentine?

And we'll both be safe
'til St. Patrrick's Day

We should take a ride
tonight around the town
and look around at
all the beautiful houses
something in the way that
blue lights on a black night
can make you feel more
everybody, it seems to me,
just wants to be
just like you and me

No one wants to be alone
at Christmas time
Come January
we're frozen inside
Making new resolutions
a hundred times
February,
won't you be my valentine?

And if our always
is all that we gave
And we someday take that away
I'll be alright
if it was just
'til St. Patrick's Day

Now Announcing....my new CakeBlog!

Hey everyone!

I'm kicking off my new cake business, "Wild Honey Pie Bakery"!

Visit my new CakeBlog and check it out! :)

http://www.wildhoneypiebakery.com

goth jeopardy

my 100 things:

1. I am the youngest child
2. One of my first words was "o'donalds" -for McDonalds
3. I was one
4. I don’t like flying
5. I do like to travel
6. I’ve been to 6 countries
7. My favorite is Ireland
8. Because of the squishy grass
9. I still sleep with a "blankey"
10. I don’t care that you’re judging me
11. I like all my freckles but one
12. (The one on my hairline)
13. I enjoy crying
14. I have a hard time returning phone calls
15. Mostly because I hate the phone
16. But also because I’m a little busy
17. I change into pajamas the minute I get home from work/class
18. I nap every day
19. My favorite season is fall
20. I hate hot weather
21. I love the circus
22. I am not a Mac girl
23. I make faces at myself in the mirrored columns in clothing stores when nobody’s looking
24. I look forward to getting old
25. 2000 is my favorite year so far
26. I read obsessively
27. I’m not shy or modest
28. I judge people who use “your” and “you’re” interchangeably
29. I think in words
30. I daydream. A lot.
31. I want to edit Children’s Books when I grow up
32. So Cal beaches are my favorite of the beaches
33. Second only to Tampa, where I took a picture with a naked man
34. Laughing is important to me
35. I can’t sit on grass without systematically ripping it up
36. I’ve frequently have a brain freeze
37. I have tried not to
38. I am sarcastic
39. I am cynical
40. Somehow, I am also an idealist
41. I am impatient
42. One of my favorite feelings is getting my hair shampooed at the salon
43. I have really high pain tolerance
44. This might be why
45. I can’t drive without music
46. I choose silence over awkward conversations. Always.
47. I think I could be an alcoholic if I let myself
48. I’m not afraid of needles
49. I’m always early
50. I sleep on my stomach
51. I had 53 pairs of shoes the last time I counted
52. I have bought more since then
53. I have beat someone up
54. He deserved it
55. I try to play guitar
56. My fingers are too short
57. I sometimes feel guilty that I have an amazing family
58. I don't like riding horses
59. I used to be boy-crazy
60. If you knew me then...then I like you
61. I have helped write a rap song
62. I was conceived in Kansas City
63. I know that was gross. But if I had to hear about it, so do you
64. On that note, I was a mistake
65. Dark chocolate is my least favorite chocolate
66. Avocado is my favorite food
67. And macaroni and cheese
68. I love how libraries smell
69. I twirl a strand of hair by my face when I’m nervous
70. I work in the high school group at my church
71. I love kids
72. I want to have them
73. I have been in five car accidents
74. I was always the driver (whoops)
75. I secretly want to drive a minivan
76. Yes, that's true
77. I don't drink coffee
78. Ever.
79. I love the smell of pipe tobacco
80. I can never spell vaccum right on the first try
81. Vaccuum
82. Vacuum
83. If I watch horror movies, I can’t sleep for at least a week
84. I’m a morning person, once I’m awake
85. I love camping
86. Mostly in Rocky Mountain National Park, but other places too
87. The covers have to cover my feet
88. I don’t understand people who have to have their feet outside the covers
89. I swear a lot when I drive
90. But I wouldn’t call it rage
91. I save things
92. I love getting real mail
93. McDonald’s orange drink is my favorite drink
94. OK so Long Beaches are my favorite
95. I take a lot of pictures
96. I don’t deserve most of the grades I get
97. And not because I cheat
98. Or sleep with the professors
99. This is going downhill fast
100.I love having a tan

Lord I believe...help my unbelief

"There is so much evidence for Christianity that it actually takes more faith to be an atheist than to be a Christian."
I have heard many variations on this sentence during the past few years of my life. Usually, I resonate with the idea that Christianity and reason are compatible. Still, there have been many days throughout my life when agnosticism or atheism seem to be more plausible, more reasonable, and easier to deal with than my own faith. April 20, 1999... check. September 11, 2001... check.There are many other dates I can't remember, when tragedies occured, and I have asked God the same questions I asked him when people died at Columbine and when the day of terror hit. Why didn't you stop the person or people who caused the event? Are you even there?
Sometimes, I think it does take more faith to believe in a good and loving God than it takes to be an atheist. This world, for all its beauty, is a wretched rock indeed, thanks to its human inhabitants. I took a marine life class for my science requirement in college, during which I greatly preferred watching the "Blue Planet" videos to taking notes about kelp v. seaweed. When I wasn't stealing a nap in the darkened room, I lost myself in underwater worlds, where death exists, but without adultery, hatred, cowardice, racism, molestation, selfishness, or any other evil. I remember watching these videos, and getting frustrated afterward because everything the class had just seen was attributed to time, chance, natural selection. However, I see why people find it easier to believe that the ocean is not a masterpiece of a divine artist. Because if it is, then humanity must be a design of that artist as well.
Sometimes I don't even want to deal with people. Although I would be horrible at it, I can see the appeal of studying the ocean for a lifetime, because it's a much more peaceful profession than diplomacy, politics, psychology, or even working retail. Fish smell bad, but the little ones are nice and the big ones won't kill you, except impartially; humans can be pretty nasty, showered or not. The Psalms say that humans are just a little bit less glorious than the angels, but I have yet to meet a human who was anywhere CLOSE to being as helpful as that Roma Downey chick. (I only watched that show three times, by the way.)
I don't know how God can stand the violence we show toward one another, whether with our words, or with our weapons. I don't know why he doesn't strike us dead with more frequency. I don't know why he doesn't talk from the sky and scare us. If he made us in his image, why then is he so silent? Why is he so intent on us pursuing him? Why does he pour himself out into the depths of the sea, but seem to turn away from our darkest days? I have experienced answered prayer, and I have heard of miracles, but my soul is often dissatisfied with what I have seen of God.
Believing in God takes a lot of faith some days, not just that He exists, but that He really will transform all of these messes we've made of ourselves into beings He can stand to be around forever. I can see His goodness and creative power in the vibrancy of a coral reef, or in the shocking size of a mountain range, or... well, in most things outside of big cities. The city of God - how will that work? Christ died to redeem us and make us ready for a new Jerusalem, and while I want him to return, I don't understand how I myself will be acceptable enough to enter through the gates. With all my doubts, I am trying to hold to a framework of grace to explain this world - that there is a good God, and he is slowly, effectively redeeming those who ask him to from their misery, withstanding the pain it causes him.
Otherwise, I can't thank anyone for the ocean.

lovely...

I received a lovely email today. I'll share:

"
There are always things that make me think of things, and the things that make me think of things are normally pretty great things. But the things that they make me think of can go either way. Sometimes things make me think of things that make me feel great. Sometimes things make me think of things that make me feel terrible.

I'm not sure what made me think of you today. Could be the weather, somehow. Could have been a song, something I saw on the floor, the exact height of the sun as I woke up. I don't know. But you got in my head, and i think you wanted to hang out there for awhile, because you brought a tent.

And that made me think of how you are, and it made me think that maybe something is wrong, or that something is great.
Sometimes I get the feeling that when I think about someone they can hear me, and maybe we can have a conversation. And then I get the feeling that when I randomly think of someone, it's because they're trying to think of me. But I doubt that's the case. It's just nice to think about.
And sometimes I get the feeling that if I randomly think of someone, it probably means something is happening to them, something that's making a spike in my thoughts of them. Maybe you were on a roller coaster and got really excited. Maybe you found a hundred dollars. Maybe you were in a car accident. Maybe something made you cry. I don't know.

The seasons are changing, and that always trips me out a little. The monsoons might come early this year.

Sometimes I drive and wish I was just driving out in the middle of nowhere. Sometimes the right song comes on and makes me wish I was on a long road trip, like on the road in New Mexico somewhere. Sometimes there's a fiddle in a song, or a harmonica, and I wish I could be driving again, with no one else on the road. And I wish, sometimes, that you were there. The phantom limb itch that makes me just want to drive really far, watching the sun drop low, making a trail. Sometimes I just want to escape, not necessarily getting anywhere, but headed somewhere.
"

monday? question day!

Tara asked me some questions.....here are some answers.

1) If you could have tickets to any concert this summer, who would you see? and who would you take?

Kings of Leon at the Roseland Ballroom (NYC) - 6/5/07
-Assuming I could pick any seats I wanted and have prime-o parking. I’ve dreamed about Kings of Leon since Aaron and I saw them at Martini Ranch in Scottsdale.

Since I have no man as of yet...I’ll be holding auditions for the role of My Date. :)

Recommendations to auditionees:

-An enthusiastic love of all things Leon is highly valued.

-At least learn a lot of songs.

-Don’t waste my time.

-Be cute.

And a little P.S. to My Date: tickets are still available. This is absolutely crazy.


2) What topic of discussion bores you more quickly than any others?

Oh, so very many. First of all, politics is usually boring because the people talk about it think they are The Shit and they're all, "ooo, ooo, epistemically blah blah blah."

Secondly, I get totally bored when people tell really, really, really, long versions of any romantic stories. Or stories about their kids. Honestly, long stories in general annoy me. Yes, yes, I'm a hypocrite.

Thirdly, when I start freaking out about something and can't stop talking. It annoys me so much and yet I keep hearing words coming out of my mouth. And my wonderful friends just sit there and roll their eyes and let me talk.


3) If you could be the spokesperson for any product on the market (which means you'd get all the freebies you could handle), which product would you represent?

Apple Computers, I think. See, I love all their products and they could also get me discounts for other products that aren't theirs. And their commercials are funny--I could totally be all, "I'm a Mac. And I'm a PC." right? Oh, and, since I'm not really into the iPod thing, I could sell them all shady-like in exchange for goods and services. They should totally hire me.


4) If you were given unlimited money and the necessary technology to invent anything you desired, what would you invent?

Unlimited money makes me nervous. It reminds me of communism.


5) Are you ever going to put the lovers back together?

If I answered that it would ruin all my writerly mystique. I will say that they are not done yet, simply on hiatus, and while they've been off air they have been working some things out. But they asked me to not say any more about that. Cross your fingers!

Bonus stats:
8 Times I used the word "all" above
21+ The amount of times per day I use Google at least five days a week (data courtesy of Google Web History)
34 Searches today
52 Searches yesterday
3 Days it has taken me (so far) to get through all the dishes from Saturday night.

breathe

No one taught us how to think. No one taught us how to live. They are presuppostions in our educational systems, and we figure it out late. Writing an essay in sixth grade, we never knew what to say. Because we didn't know how to see.

but everyone loves ultimate frisbee....

thoughts on coldplay

There were moments before the rope finally broke. Moments when the tether felt strong enough to keep together and I can remember driving on the 101 we had a brief discussion about Papago Park.

So brief was the conversation that I hardly remember it's contents but it was the first time I learned of the Park. Moments later "Fix You" came on the radio and I turned it up to fill the silence left by another brief discussion.

"I love this song," I said and you were driving but looked over to me. You were always looking over to me while you drove and I would sometimes keep my eyes on the road for you in the way I was always doing things the hard way just so they'd be easy for you.

I learned in physics that as we sat there we were actually moving at the same rate the car was and I played out the equation of us stopping, or worse: being hit by an opposing force.

The song sped up and right before the band broke in I asked you if you wanted to play keyboard or drums. You hesitated, I was clearly a step ahead, and in that moment I felt the fraying threads twirl quickly back as the last ones broke. You played the drums and I played the keyboard. The steering wheel and dashboard were accommodating.

There are certain things I have always known in my head and they have always been at war with the things I knew in my heart. A constant, raging battle of bloodshed, with a white flag being raised after long nights of indecision.

My mind surrendered for so many years. The same flag rose after every battle and it slowly became tattered. But I made a simple promise to myself: to never let my heart be a museum artifact. And with each tear in the flag, there was an even deeper tear in my heart and I've been to a lot of museums; my heart was almost ready to be behind glass in a pressurized environment. A hymn was almost written about the flag and I loathed myself for becoming such a cliche.

That was the second to last trip on that freeway--our freeway. I'm bound to say that Coldplay must have known something about being in love. And if so, I certainly knew something about loving you.

Did you know that Papago Park is burning?

walking alongside despair

I am no saint. In fact, I totally understand what Paul meant when he called himself the chief of sinners - I see myself as one. When one finds himself alone with God and sees him face to face, one can't help but despair over the sins that perpetuate the entire being of himself. It's like a sickly coat of oil permanently coated on the entire surface of oneself, a condition that one is forever trap with while in existence.

This constant consciousness about my sinful, worldly nature has been throughout every day in my life. At my most blissful moment, or my most depressed hour, I can't help but being aware of the absurdity and meaninglessness of "life" as we know it. The persistent sense of despair can be a really heavy burden to bear as I stagger through this particular life of mine. It is incredibly tempting to just let go off everything and indulge myself either in a life of hedonism and aestheticism, or one of piety and the practise of communal submission to a religious code. To withdraw into "bad faith", as Sartre calls it. But I have grown too acutely aware of the despair over my own state of existence to live a life of ignorance.

But to live a life defined by actions, acted upon choices which have no certainties, or based on any established consensual guidelines/protocol, is a terrifying thought in itself. Kierkegaard affirms that faith is the solution to despair, but faith require so much courage and risks that I can't help but feeling the burden of the freedom over the choices and course of my own life. Imagine, to be condemned to freedom!

And to know that this is the life I will live for the rest of my "life"... I guess Christ was right when he said that small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life. Truth is the gate is much smaller and the road is much narrower than most of us have imagined it to be. Not to mention incredibly lonely as one is completely cut off from other fellow humans in this long arduous journey, with only Christ's promises as comfort.

This is merely the beginning...

Christianity does not join people together. No, it separates them - in order to unite every single individual with God. And when a person become such that he can belong to God and to God alone, he has died away from that which usually joins people together.

- Soren Kierkegaard

i love baseball

i love baseball so much.
life lessons often reveal themselves to me in baseball.
here a a few recent epiphanies:
1. what you value personally may not have any value in the environment you're in.
2. we all have weaknesses and sometimes the best way to attack one is to try to turn it into a strength.
3. coaching, teaching and managing are not either/or, good or bad, they are additive.
4. rock, paper, scissors. everything good can be beaten by something better. everything not good can beat something great. match-ups can be unpredictable. don't assume.

thank you for being a part of my brain and thoughts for a few moments.

Mending....Reconciliation

the last 24 hours have been such a rollercoaster of emotion for me.

perhaps one of the strangest days i've had in a while.....(and that's saying alot)

i'm sitting in KCI airport sobbing.
listening to a mix cd appropriately named "shenanigans".
my soul aches, but feels relief.
i am more whole than when i arrived here a mere 36 hours ago.
my soul has surrendered something heavy.

i wish that i had a way to describe how i endured the hardest year of my life yet feel so free, clear, "held".

all i can say is that praise will be given where praise is due.

i have moved into not needing any human. it is such a foreign overwhelming feeling.

i believe with all of my heart that i have reached that coveted place of "self-reliance".

me and God.

r.i.p.

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
1922-2007

one of my most favored and dear to my heart authors passed away yesterday. mr. vonnegut changed my thinking in my ways and opened my eyes to wonderous views.

you will be missed. rest in peace.

"
Humor is a way of holding off how awful life can be, to protect yourself. Finally, you get just too tired, and the news is too awful, and humor doesn’t work anymore. Somebody like Mark Twain thought life was quite awful but held the awfulness at bay with jokes and so forth, but finally he couldn’t do it anymore. His wife, his best friend, and two of his daughters had died. If you live long enough, a lot of people close to you are going to die.

It may be that I am no longer able to joke—that it is no longer a satisfactory defense mechanism. Some people are funny, and some are not. I used to be funny, and perhaps I’m not anymore. There may have been so many shocks and disappointments that the defense of humor no longer works. It may be that I have become rather grumpy because I’ve seen so many things that have offended me that I cannot deal with in terms of laughter.

This may have happened already. I really don’t know what I’m going to become from now on. I’m simply along for the ride to see what happens to this body and this brain of mine. I’m startled that I became a writer. I don’t think I can control my life or my writing. Every other writer I know feels he is steering himself, and I don’t have that feeling. I don’t have that sort of control. I’m simply becoming. All I really wanted to do was give people the relief of laughing. Humor can be a relief, like an aspirin tablet. If a hundred years from now people are still laughing, I’d certainly be pleased. I apologize to all of you who are the same age as my grandchildren. And many of you reading this are probably the same age as my grandchildren. They, like you, are being royally shafted and lied to by our Baby Boomer corporations and government. Yes, this planet is in a terrible mess. But it has always been a mess. There have never been any “Good Old Days,” there have just been days. And as I say to my grandchildren, “Don’t look at me. I just got here.”
"
-kurt vonnegut, a man without country

being a woman

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
one old love she can imagine going back to...and one who reminds her how far she has come...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a youth she's content to leave behind...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
HOW TO QUIT A JOB, BREAK UP WITH A LOVER, AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...be it to her best friend's kitchen table...or a charming inn in the woods...when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day...a month...and a year...

heeeelllllllllooooooooo #7!

In case you need another reason to keep up with baseball this year, here's mine:



Joe Mauer....thank you for being a part of my Minnesota Twins!!
xoxo

little motel

“
I hope that you like it in your little motel,
And I hope that the sweep season suites you well.
Well I can see it as time and a sight through smell,
That’s why it’s nice to be by yourself.

And that’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, aren’t I?
That’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, darling.

We treat mishaps like sinking ships,
And, I know that I don’t want to be out to drift.
Well I can see it in your eyes like I taste your lips,
And, they both tell me that we’re better than this.

‘Cuz that’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, aren’t I?
That’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, darling.

We trade tit for tat like that for this,
And, I don’t think that there was an insult that was missed.
I can see it in your eyes like I taste your lips,
And, I’m very sorry.

‘Cuz that’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, aren’t I?
That’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, that’s what I’m waiting for, darling.

The raining is over, shooting star,
And directly on our broke-down riddled car.
We fold and we had made a wish,
That we would be missed,
If one or another just did not exist.

That’s what we’re waiting for, that’s what we’re waiting for, that’s what we’re waiting for, aren’t we?
That’s what we’re waiting for, that’s what we’re waiting for, that’s what we’re waiting for, darling.

That’s what we’re waiting for, aren’t we?
“

taxes

americans are dumb

Do you think Americans are stupid?

If you say yes, then this is for you.

You are American.

Americans are dumb. Why have I heard so many Americans say this? I guess I understand why they are saying it, but I still don't get it. "I think Americans are dumb." Yeah all Americans but you and the people you know right? America is a big place smarty, with lots of people. Some of us are bound to be stupid. But there are plenty of freggin geniuses too. Have you forgotten that? Have you forgotten all the Americans that are smarter than you? More moral? Stronger? There are plenty out there.

What are you afraid of? You're like the person who betrays their friends when someone makes fun of them. A pretend outsider looking in. You're the man who laughs at his wife when everyone else does.

You are not responsible for the crap your countrymen pulled before you were born. But you are the lazy person who simply moves when their house gets dirty.

Americans are stupid; they shop at wal-mart, that's why I shop at Target. haha.

Clean your house you lazy pig; you contributed to the mess.

Patriotism is not just for rednecks; it isn't just for conservatives and the rich. So stop thinking that somewhere else is so much better. What do you think the Italians are all freggin Einsteins? People in India must really have it made, seeing as each one of them is so smart. Will you feel right at home in Venezuela where everyone is just like you?

Grow up. How about instead of going all apocalyptic and swearing you'll move to Canada you try to make your home better?

Sweeping generalizations are fallacies. They're wrong and counterproductive. Stop being a worthless misfit.

the last week....

the last week has definitely been a crazy one for me.

i'm sorry to say to everyone that i will be out of commission for a while.
i'm not sure how long....i'm not sure when i'll recover.

i'll return soon.

emeril

i like cooking. i like making up recipes and fixing meals. i try not to go out to eat often, so i cook whenever i can.

i love to make myself a hot dog burrito. it seriously takes 2 minutes to make a hot dog burrito. you can get a pack of hot dogs, a bag of cheese, and a pack of tortillas for 10 bucks, and have dinner for a week. you can put ketchup on it, but i don't really love ketchup.

so i am wondering, does anyone else know about how awesome this is? this is a taste explosion! this is hot dog paradise! i decide to write to Emeril.

Dear Emeril:

You are an excellent chef. I watch your show all the time. I cannot help but notice, though, that your show has not explored my favorite style of cooking, Mexican-American Fusion Cuisine.

I first discovered this type of cuisine about 18 years ago when i had my first peanutbutter and jelly soft taco. Since then, I have become quite knowledgeable in the techniques used in its preparation. Included please find a recipe which I feel really encapsulates the magic of Mexican-American Fusion Cuisine.

Thank You-
Jami

HOT DOG BURRITO
Ingredients:
1 Hot Dog
1 Flour Tortilla
1/4 cup finely shredded Cheddar Cheese

Directions: Place flour tortilla on microwave-safe plate. Arrange hot dog in center of tortilla. Cover hot dog with the shredded cheddar cheese. Cover with wet paper towel to prevent the tortilla from drying out. Microwave for 2 minutes. Roll it up and serve with ketchup.

he hasn't written back yet, probably because i just sent the e-mail, like, 15 minutes ago.

in other news, it has been decided that the funniest thing you could possibly do is to yell your own name sporadically throughout the day. just once in awhile, when there are lulls in conversation or when you are talkng to the lady at the bank. JAMI!!! (or whatever your name is) and then just carry on like nothing happened. it is a laugh riot.

thank you.

p.s i really did send that to Emeril. for real.

he still takes my breath away......

i love him.

Saving the World.....

....one rock fist at a time.


courtesy of Daley

eternal prom!!

did you go to prom??


i have been thinking, and i have decided that prom is the most hilarious thing EVER. pimply boys in tuxes. girls getting wicked uptight about finding the most god-awful dress imaginable. pretending you are all grown up when grownups NEVER DRESS LIKE THAT EVER.


if you went to prom, i bet you have a picture of yourself going to prom or at prom or something. i want everyone who has a picture of themselves at prom to scan it in and send it to me. (jamikylene@hotmail.com)


i got the new issure of TEEN PROM, and now i am all in a tizzy thinking about all that magic. if you send me a picture, i will mark out your face(s) and put them on my blog entitled "ETERNAL PROM". if you would like, also include a brief summary of the magic (ie, did you get "lucky"? did you eat at red lobster? did you wear one of those weird tape on bra things?) i think if i get a ton of people to send pictures to me, it could be the greatest thing ever.


BE A PART OF MY ETERNAL PROM RIGHT NOW.


love, jami

6 month anniversary

Josh and I had our 6 month anniversary last week and finally got to celebrate last night by going to the Melting Pot. YUM!!!
we had a blast, and like always....we were silly and crazy together!

oh man....this sounds so much like me!

One oh my favorite bloggers wrote this and i laughed because it is TOTALLY something i would do!

"
i work in an office. working in an office is a lot like being in high school. you go there in the morning, sit at your desk, have lunch in the lunchroom. you get the weekends off. on holidays you have little parties with cupcakes and all that kind of crap. sometimes they try to bribe you do extra work with the promise of a pizza party. (you mean i can work tons of overtime and never do anything fun, then, at the end of the month, get to have some lukewarm pizza at my desk? AWESOME, i don't even like pizza!) at least that is what it is like at my job.

a week or so before valentine's day, they put out this flyer saying that we were gonna have a party, and everyone was gonna pass out valentines and they were gonna have a contest for the best valentines mailbox. you know, like the shoebox things from elementary school.

i was real jazzed. i mean, i am not all about "participating". i think it is some kind of leftover thing from when i was some high school. i just don't get into that stuff. but the valentines mailbox was right up my alley. i just love that kind of crafty crap. and i was pretty convinced that i would be able to completely WHOOP ASS. IN YOUR FACE, ACCOUNTING!!! SUCK ON MY AWESOME VALENTINES MAILBOX, EFF-ING INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY DEPARTMENT!!!!! whew.

so, i went to CVS, all power-hungry. i had my eyes on the prize. i got all kinds of tissue-paper and glue, and i got this irridescent blue paper stuff. i got the sweetest-shaped box. i went home, and parked out at the kitchen table. i cut all the tissue paper into one-inch squares. then i started glueing little tufts of tissue paper on the box, slowly and methodically. super anal-retentive. i was gonna make the fluffiest and romantic box ever.

(one hour later)

guy: what are you doing?

me: making a valentines box for the contest at work.

guy: what is the prize?

me: i dunno. power. EXTREME POWER

guy: i bet the prize is candy. you are gonna feel real dumb when you spend two days making a valentines box, and you just win candy. you don't even eat candy.

me: the prize is POWER. maybe it will be candy, but the candy will come with great power.

(three hours later)

my fingers started hurting like none other. the box was only an eighth of the way done. tufting takes forever. i seemed to forget the last time when i tufted something, and it took me a month to make a penguin-shaped pinata. things started to look bleak.

the next day after work, i started working on it again. i had to have it done the next day. i put a couple more tufts on it, and then i sat in the bathtub and read cosmo for two hours and went to bed.

i don't even think i went to work that day. the sheer thought of all the power left me so weak that not only could i not finish my valentines box, i had to take a sick day.
"

Oscar Party!

Last night was a blast!!!
Thanks to everyone that came!!!

Bono: God Part II

Don’t believe the devil
I don’t believe his book
But the truth is not the same
Without the lies he made up

Don’t believe in excess
Success is to give
Don’t believe in riches
But you should see where I live
I…I believe in love

Don’t believe in forced entry
Don’t believe in rape
But every time she passes by
Wild thoughts escape
I don’t believe in death row
Skid row or the gangs
Don’t believe in the Uzi
It just went off in my hand
I…I believe in love

Don’t believe in cocaine
Got a speed-ball in my head
I could cut and crack you open
Do you hear what I said
Don’t believe them when they tell me
There ain’t no cure
The rich stay healthy
The sick stay poor
I…I believe in love

Don’t believe in Goldman
His type like a curse
Instant karma’s going to get him
If I don’t get him first
Don’t believe in rock ‘n’ roll
Can really change the world
As it spins in revolution
It spirals and turns
I…I believe in love

Don’t believe in the 60’s
The golden age of pop
You glorify the past
When the future dries up
Heard a singer on the radio late last night
He says he’s gonna kick the darkness
’til it bleeds daylight
I…I believe in love

I feel like I’m falling
Like I’m spinning on a wheel
It always stops beside of me
With a presence I can feel
I…I believe in love

that color scheme should be illegal

congrats!!!

***a HUGE congrats is in order for my great friends Josh and Kamryn on getting engaged last night!!!
good luck to you guys! love ya~!

hummmm......

eff valentine's day.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYBODY!!!!

low maintanance

i am one of the most low-maintanance people ever.


i don't wear makeup too often. i don't shave my legs too often. my hair is straight enough that i don't have to do anything to it ever. i don't love buying clothes. pretty much i don't care what people think i look like.


the thing is, i am horrible at waking up early. so my project for the last three days has been trying to streamline my morning routine so i can look presentable in ten minutes flat.


i have my shower routine down to a little more than 5 minutes. i get in, wash my hair, rinse, put conditioner in, soap up and rinse the conditioner out of my hair, wash my face real fast, and get the heck out. i comb my hair enough so is not all knotted up, and brush my teeth. the end.


i want to get 12 plain tshirts in 12 different colors. then get a pair of shoes i won't have to wear socks with. i have one pair of jeans that i love to wear so i can start wearing the same jeans everyday, and wear a different tshirt and my sockless shoes. i won't have to take time to figure out what to wear. i won't have to find a pair of socks, or smell a bunch of socks to pick out a clean pair. i will never ever have to think about clothes again.


i am the champion. i am super-efficient. i am a getting-ready machine. all you suckers, taking 20 minutes to get ready, putting gel or some crap in you hair. YOU ARE SUCKERS. THAT IS TIME YOU WILL NEVER GET BACK. if you shave ten minutes off your getting ready thing, at the end of the month you will have THREE HUNDRED MINUTES. you could knit a scarf or paint a picture. you could exercise for ten minutes every day instead of picking some zit or putting lipstick on (which nobody notices anyway), and that would give you YEARS more time, since you won't die when you're 58.


me, i am just going to use that time to sleep an extra 15 minutes.

a billion dollars

i just saw an advertisement for this new contest pepsi is having. its one of those look-under-the-cap things, only if you win, you get to go on this game show and compete to win a billion dollars.


isn't a billion like a thousand million? jeez, louise.


anyway, i drink more soda than anyone i know, and a lot of people have told me i drink more soda than anyone they know, so i think the odds are in my favor.


trampoline, gold teeth, and devo hat, here i come.

cable TV

when i lived in my first apartment and was really really poor, i did not have cable.


i don't really watch tv that much. i'll watch the simpsons once in awhile, but usually it doesn't occur to me to turn it on.


so a year or so later, i called some place to get DSL, and they had this deal where i could get DSL and cable for some absurdly low price. like, i would be stupid to not spring for the cable. so i got that shizzle hooked up, and in the first couple days i think i watched about a gazillion hours of tv!


this is what i learned:


1. I WILL NEVER BE AS COOL AS MISSY ELLIOT. she is freaking cool as hell. i am usually not all about choreography in videos, but i could watch her dance around all day. and i like her fuzzy hats. i need to get one of those.


2. IT IS QUITE POSSIBLE TO WATCH LAW AND ORDER ALL DAY LONG. when you don't have cable you can only watch it 3 times a week, but when you do have cable, you can watch it more times than that in ONE DAY.


3. FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS IS ON EVERY WEEK NIGHT. funniest home videos is one of my favorite shows. back in the day it was on the WB or some other second-rate tv channel, and as soon as i figured out when it was on exactly, they cancelled it. then i went without for a very long time. now i can watch it at 11:30 every night.


4. IF YOU ARE SUPER-LUCKY, MTV2 WILL PLAY AN HOUR-LONG BLOCK OF GRUNGE ROCK VIDEOS. you will think it is real awesome for a second, then they will just play all the videos from the singles soundtrack, and not play any dinosaur jr or sonic youth or breeders or anything. then you will change the channel.


5. MISSY ELLIOT IS STILL REALLY AWESOME. grr. i am telling you. cool as hell. in a perfect world, i would have a fuzzy hat and dance around. either that or i would be kim deal.


thank you

the truth about the global climate change

drugs and art don't mix

grrrrrr....

i can't think of a darn thing to blog about. i've been sitting in front of my computer for about 2 hours now.

i was thinking that i wanted to blog about how my boyfriend josh thinks that i'm in "my own little world" all the time. (as he puts it)
i would tell some cute funny little story about it. but the truth is...he's right.
there's nothing funny or cute to say, except that i AM in my own world.
it's awesome!!
at any given time if you were to ask me what i was thinking about, if i told you you'd probably think i was crazy because it is usually so off the wall!

josh likes to laugh at me because i could sit in a room and entertain myself. i crack myself up laughing all the time!! i love it! it's so true and weird to hear the truth about how i REALLY AM coming out of someone's mouth for everyone to hear.
there's something different when it's said out loud.

anyways......back to "my world".......

water, trail mix, pen

I've often wondered what I'd do if I were faced with an animal attack on myself or a loved one--or total stranger. I'm still not sure. However, it appears that this 65-year-old woman knew what to do while when her husband was ambushed by a lion while the couple hiked in a northern California park last week.

As I started reading about the attack I wondered how this granny chased off the cat. With the machine gun she had nestled next to her Patagonia fanny pack? No, a pen. She used a pen to save her spouse. Apparently, she pulled a pen from her husband's pocket (at his request while being attacked) and gouged out the animal's eye. I've been wondering how on earth did she could have mustered the courage to make it happen. A pen! She also grabbed a large log and clubbed the cat in the nose until it backed away. I'm absolutely blown away by her bravery.

So this brought me to some pondering about whether or not I'd respond so well to an attack as such on my own partner. One seriously has to get it together, dig in and go on the offense. I'm still marveled that she got as close as the eye--let alone the head or body. Do you need to have taken a self-defense class to have your brain and body in that place? Do you have to read "The Power of Now" or is it pure love that makes us to apt to save our beloved during these frightful moments?

Apparently, it's just teamwork, according to a statement she gave to a reporter:


"We fought harder than we ever have to save his life, and we fought
together," she said.


The collective. The we. The together. That's the answer. I can almost believe it. Pens are useful though, I suppose.

Happy almost Valentine's Day.

now that's some good breakfast!